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The Secret to Happiness

The Secret to Happiness

by | Nov 3, 2012 | Articles, Health and Wellness

“Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.” – Henry David Thoreau

Happiness is a gift we all want. Smiling and laughing feels a lot better than sinking into a well of bad feelings. Pursuing happiness seems a worthy goal. By pursuing happiness, though, sometimes we end up on the opposite side of the street where we stare across the way at the shining sun, at the happy smiles on others, at the spring in someone’s step and think, ‘why don’t I feel that way? How can I feel that way?’

In our desperate search to figure out why we’re not smiling like we just won the lottery, laughing like Ellen just told us the funniest joke, or walking as if a happy tune was playing in our heads, we can lose our ability to find the happy source.

We might state “I want to be happy”. We repeat this as we continue to stare off in envy at others who seem to be thriving on a happy note. We wonder what they drank or ate that morning that got them off to such a happy start. Out of frustration, their smiles might even start to piss us off.

Curious, we keep searching for the happiness. We wrack our brains willing happiness to enter only to be disappointed when we show up empty-handed at the middle of the day without it still. Why can’t we find it? Shouldn’t stating the mantra ‘I want to be happy’ be enough to achieve such a goal?

I don’t think it is. Happiness is a state of mind. States of mind are nearly impossible to control. A goal should be something we can take action on and inch closer to with each step. Thus, becoming happy cannot be a direct goal because it’s a state of mind.

So where does this leave us? Are we supposed to just wallow in a state of flux on those days we wake up on the wrong side of the bed feeling apathetic and lost without our happy vibe?

I’m no expert on happiness, but I do have a trick that seems to work on those days when I get out of bed feeling a little cranky. I stop, breathe, and focus in on something I enjoy doing (like oil painting, exercising, meditating, walking my dogs) or shifting my focus to others (helping someone with a project, smiling at a stranger, talking with an elderly person, playing with a child), and by doing this, happiness indirectly finds me.

Suddenly, the happy vibe threads itself through my system and hangs out on my shoulder, sitting in my peripheral, allowing me to enjoy the unfolding of joy in simple things like the beauty of the sun’s rays, the smilDashboarde on a stranger’s face, the laughter of a child at play.

Happiness isn’t something you can will into being. It’s something that naturally occurs when we let go of forcing it and simply turn to other things and wait for it to reveal itself in its own beautiful way.

 

Spirit of Collaboration

by | Oct 18, 2012 | Articles, Health and Wellness

team

Collaboration is a beautiful thing. When we tap into each other’s talents and skills and work collaboratively with each other, getting ahead is a whole lot easier.

I experienced the spirit of collaboration at its best when I had the pleasure of participating in a book signing event at the Mid-Atlantic Business Networking Expo in Baltimore, MD.

For most of the day, I hung out in the author’s café with several other authors. Amongst the chatter and laughter, energy vibrated through the room and filled it up with fun and cheer. I loved chatting with people as they strolled by, eyeing up the books displayed in front of them, asking questions like ‘what drives you to write, how did you get started, what else are you working on?’ Great conversations followed these questions, lending themselves to shared interests and needs, and often the passing of email addresses to reconnect.

I met all sorts of interesting people with varying skillsets and talents. Some catered parties, others introduced new wines at events, designed websites, planned financial futures, hosted radio shows, created videos, photographed professionals and events, you name it! I met so many great people with skills and talents I wish I had, but don’t have the time to master.

Thankfully, I don’t need to master everything. I’m a firm believer in sharing information. When we pool resources, talents, and energy, so many great things can happen.

I will never have enough time in this life to become an expert at everything. If I spent my time trying to master every little thing, I would master nothing. I’d rather focus in on a few things that excite me and look to others for help in those areas that aren’t my primary driving force.

By sharing our values and skills with others so much more is possible. This is when progress builds, passion ignites, opportunities expand, and dreams come to life.

Never be afraid to shine your value on the world and allow others to shine theirs back on you.

How has collaboration helped you? Do you have an experience you can share with us? Please chime in. I’d love to keep the conversation going.

 

A Wealthy Life is Full of Love

A Wealthy Life is Full of Love

by | Aug 9, 2012 | Articles, Health and Wellness

A wealthy life to me has nothing to do with money. It has all to do with love and how we interact with the world around us.

I LOVE when I come across tweets that stop me in my tracks and really make me dig deep. This morning I came across just such a tweet I saw this morning: Some people are so POOR, all they have is MONEY.

I was walking my dogs early this morning when I read it, and then spent the rest of the time analyzing what wealth and poverty really mean outside the realm of money. If I take money completely out of the equation, this is what they mean to me:

Poverty is a state of being when a person fails to recognize all the gifts in his/her life.

Wealth is a state of being when a person greets the day with a smile and a spirit full of gratitude for everything in his/her life.

Awareness is the key in this equation of wealth and poverty. Those who honor and cherish their gifts are wealthy beyond measure. Wealth has zero to do with the size of a house, the style of clothes, the price of a car, the amount of a paycheck.

Wealth, to me, is more clearly defined by the amount of gratitude a person holds towards family, children (furry included!), friendship, love, health, talent, perseverance, determination, passion, etc… All of these gifts have their place in determining the trajectory of our thoughts, and so ultimately in determining whether we live in a state of wealth or poverty.

The most brilliant part about this definition is that we can chose right this very second whether we want to be wealthy or poor. Once we decide, we’re already there. It’s our choice.

Here’s to living a life full of the riches that money CANNOT buy!

 

Bullies Hurt. Period.

Bullies Hurt. Period.

by | Jun 26, 2012 | Articles

The other day, someone I recently followed on Twitter publicly and privately criticized me for not being open to his ‘tweeting’ advice. He felt I wasn’t effectively tweeting, interacting, or being a good fellow tweep because I mention my book reviews and excerpts in some of my tweets. He formed this opinion over a five day period. He sent me a slew of direct messages that fired all sorts of ways I could improve my tweets and increase my following exponentially. He accused me of not being open to criticism and of not respecting his advice.

I felt bullied and angry, like someone had just slammed me against a wall and laughed at me. My first impulse was to jump into defense mode and put him in his place. I wasted an hour drafting a tweet that would be dignified and to the point. I drafted all sorts of varieties. Snappy, angry, defensive, and none seemed to sit right with me. I couldn’t stoop to his level. So, instead, I simply said I enjoyed tweeting and was going to continue with my style, which is to let readers know about my books and to inject some positive thoughts throughout the day. Then, I blocked him.

Did this make me feel any better?

Not at all. I am still dumbfounded and hurt. A bully is a bully. Bullies hurt. I don’t understand bullies. I never will. I am sure he would not consider his act an act of bullying, but of offering helpful critique and advice. After berating me, he ended his last tweet and direct message to me with well wishes for success. Maybe he was truly trying to be helpful in his own way. I like to think that was his motive because what else could it have been?

So where does this bitterness take me? Do I let it define me? Do I let it stir up negativity? For those who have been reading my blog all along, you know what my answer is going to be! I decided to take everything that was said to me, pull out any lesson – if any existed, and believe it or not, I found one – and remain dignified by rising above the insults and focusing on the blessings instead.

I know who I am. I define me. A bully will never get to define me. Who am I? I am someone whose personal mission in life is to enrich the lives of others through service and living by the golden rule of doing onto others as I would have done unto me. If I conduct myself in such a fashion, no bully can ever knock me down and make me second guess my actions.

To all who follow me on Twitter, I just want to say thank you for being generous with your interactions, retweets and twitter friendships. I love Twitter and I won’t allow one person to make me lose sight of the almost 7900 followers who act with great kindness towards me.

Here’s to always remembering to take the higher road…

 

Temptation Hurts When Acted Upon

Temptation Hurts When Acted Upon

by | May 31, 2012 | Articles

Temptations are everywhere – donuts stuffed with delicious cream, a flirty escape with someone beautiful, an hour or two of web surfing at work, a new car in lieu of paying off a credit card, a dive into unknown waters – oh the enormity of such a list!

We know we shouldn’t indulge, but we want to so badly. We think, just once. What could it hurt? I’ll go right back to being strict with myself tomorrow.

We face our lures through hooded eyes, beckoning them closer to us. We toss around the what-ifs as we stand tall and justify to ourselves why we feel just this once we deserve to indulge. The arguments roll off our complex sensory epicenters and dance provocatively for us, conjuring up all sorts of flutters, tummy rolls, flips and tumbles, circling us around like tumbleweeds in the wind. Our hearts race, our nerves fire, our neurons explode priming us for what’s about to come.

Yeah, the good stuff.  Right? Or so we think.

In comes our annoying rebuttal, that finger-waving practical side demanding us to snap out of our euphoric fantasies of sugary sweetness and head-spinning romps and stand firm in our resolve to face our promises with steel eyes, logical thoughts, and unshakable restraint. The duel between right and wrong progresses fast as we straddle a fine line with a vulnerability that parallels little. Just a nudge in either direction could change our course for good.

We’ve all been there.

One flip of the switch in one direction could mean the difference between light and darkness. What am I talking about here? Am I talking about sneaking a couple of cookies while dieting, cheating on an exam, or much worse? It’s different for us all.

Temptation is universal. It can set us back for a short-term or can wreak havoc on the rest of our lives.

Thankfully, we get to choose our actions!

How do you deal with temptation? 

7 Actions to Stop Puppy Mills

by | Jan 30, 2012 | Articles

puppy mill

If we could stop puppy mills, we would put an end to one of the worst of the worst places you could ever imagine a lovable dog should ever have to spend his/her life. Too melodramatic? Well, it’s true.

As an avid animal advocate and lover, I feel it’s critical for human beings to protect the welfare of animals. They rely on us, trust us, and remain by our sides with loyal, unconditional love. When I wrote my sapphic romance novel, A New Leash on Life, I did so to not only entertain, but also to educate about animal welfare and the importance of supporting no-kill animal shelters through adoption, fostering and donations.

The Truth About Puppy Mills

According to The Humane Society (www.stoppuppymills.org), puppy mills house dogs in shockingly poor conditions. After their fertility wanes, breeding animals are often killed, abandoned or sold cheaply to another mill to try and get “one more litter” out of the dog. The annual result of all this breeding is millions of puppies, many with behavior and/or health problems.

Why would anyone choose to support puppy mills?

The short answer to that is most supporters don’t even realize they are supporting them.

So what can we do to stop puppy mills?

  1. Never shop at pet stores that sell animals. Never. Even buying a bag of kibble from such a place supports them and will continue the harsh, cruel cycle of commercial breeding.
  2. Never buy a puppy from a pet store. According to the Oprah show, 99% of all puppies from a pet store come from a puppy mill. Whatever you do, NEVER buy from a pet store. You will only fuel the business of puppy mills. Instead, seek out pet stores who support homeless pet adoptions.
  3. Adopt a dog from an animal shelter.
  4. Support and volunteer at your local animal shelter.
  5. Exercise your right to vote and work with your state legislature on the passage of local laws in your own community that will improve the lives of dogs in puppy mills.
  6. Download and print these flyers (courtesy of The Humane Society) and bring them to your veterinarian or groomer’s office: “Getting a Puppy?” and “How to Find a Good Dog Breeder” are designed to help potential pet owners avoid puppy mills.
  7. Spread the word. Most people have no idea what a puppy mill even is, let alone that the cute puppy they purchased from the local pet store was born in the worst of conditions to a mother who has lived her entire life in a wire crate under despicable circumstances.

  8. The longer we support pet stores who support puppy mills, the more dogs will have to continue to suffer at the hands of careless human beings. Let’s end this thing.

    If you are considering welcoming a pet into your life, please consider adopting a shelter pet.

    As with all of my books, I enjoy giving a portion of proceeds to the Hearts United for Animals: www.hua.org, a no-kill animal sanctuary.