To be happy requires we step outside ourselves and turn our attention to others.When we give, we empower lives and spread joy.

“Instead of seeking nourishment, be the one to give it.” – Eva from The Muse

When we give, we empower others, enrich lives, and spread joy. In turn we help ourselves to be happy. Giving takes on many forms. A gift of donating money to a worthy cause can be just as powerful as sharing a smile with someone who is having a bad day. The positive effect ripples and grows exponentially, spreading its roots deeper in areas that crave life, energy and the hope of a better day.

The spirit of giving

If we all gave a little something each day, the world, in its most basic sense, would be a better place. The spirit of giving is contagious. It magnifies a power that attracts more giving, thus completing a powerful circle. In giving, we open up to all sorts of positive vibes that have the power to touch countless people in ways we can’t even begin to describe. The gift of a smile can spread to thousands. The gift of sitting with an elderly patient can brighten spirits. The gift of blankets and kibble at an animal shelter can save countless of precious lives. The gift of a hug offers soulful nourishment. It doesn’t require grand acts to be happy.

A question to ponder

If you could do something that could help someone be happy and make even a small difference, what would it be?

I tossed this question out to the masses yesterday and got several wonderful responses:

• A hug
• The gift of being honest
• Donate to a homeless person
• Tutor a child
• Write great letters to bosses of people who just have great attitudes
• Purchase a coffee for someone
• Smile
• Give a hand full of quarters to someone at the carwash or laundromat
• Make sure all kids are felt loved, safe, fed and know they matter
• Be a kind, humane being every day
• Pay for round the clock care for my friend’s mother with Alzheimer’s
• Give out cookies on Christmas Day to the homeless
• Plant fruit trees for the homeless so they have food all the time
• Helping someone to find necessary resources
• Rescue animals
• Say hello to a stranger
• Hold the door for someone
• Give up a seat on a bus for an elderly person
• Take a friend grocery shopping and pay for her groceries
• Win the lottery and buy people what they want/need
• Return shopping carts for people
• Engage in a brief chat with someone who looks lonely or sad

Be happy by giving

When we give, we help others feel the beauty of peace, gratitude, and hope. Giving renews spirits, ours included. That, in and of itself, is a gift to the world. If we’re living in our best light, those around us benefit, too. 

The bountiful effects that giving extends to us are essential to our well-being because they can free us from our problems, our selfish desires, and from being lonely. The best effects from giving usually come from those random acts of kindness when the generosity is offered without any expectation of its return. The reason this is the most powerful form of giving is because it’s rooted in the unconditional love of connection to something greater than ourselves.

Many may feel they don’t have a lot to offer, but it doesn’t take grand gestures to make a difference to someone who could use a pick-me-up. A cup of tea, a handful of coins, helping an elderly woman place her groceries in her car, volunteering to help at a soup kitchen, or even picking up trash in your neighborhood as you take a stroll can all have incredible effects. Your act of kindness may go unseen, and that’s okay because it will still give you lift and make you feel happy. And one happy person can change the day of many others.

The benefits

The benefits of giving are numerous. Some include increased self-esteem, personal empowerment, and better health. The reason is because when we do something nice for someone, we are gifted with a sweet release of endorphins which, of course, is fantastic for our immune system and state of mind!

One way to give back is through volunteering. When we volunteer, we put ourselves in the grace of all sorts of warm and fuzzy feelings. Volunteering can especially be beneficial for those who are lonely or live in an areas far away from family and friends. It allows people to build a social life, which can boost emotional and physical well-being.

A natural spirit of happiness forms from the energy of goodness. It cannot be destroyed, for its light continually shines its innate positivity, driving its momentum and feeding its evolution. Within the waves of its great stride, from a point of thoughtful origin to the unknown, goodness casts a glow that radiates and spreads in all directions. Undeterred by the obstacles of shadows, it seeks out the nourishment it craves to sustain its growth and contagious hunger to move beyond the despair of hopelessness and to the point of an all-encompassing place that reminds us all that beyond what seems out of reach, is only an act of kindness away. Kindness connects all life with it universal appeal to bring joy and life to all who seek out its warm, loving ripples.

To forgive someone is hard. It takes an enormous amount of strength to let hurt just roll off the shoulders and observe it with a neutral eye. Many might argue on the flip side that to hold onto that hurt would take even more strength over time.

The Act of Forgiveness

Let’s take a look at the act of forgiving with this pivotal moment in The Dance.

Jacky placed a pink carnation on her stone. She loved pink carnations. “I hope you can forgive me, too,” she said, then walked away down the path she had traveled so many times before that, on her way toward freedom.

In this passage, Jacky frees herself from a lifetime of regret, hurt and anger by offering forgiveness to the one person in the world she had trusted more than herself. The path to get to this point was long, winding and seemingly unforgiving in and of itself. But the pain of holding onto the hurt did nothing to lift her into a healthy space. She owed it to herself to forgive her wife. You see she understood that we forgive not to approve the bad actions of others, but to say to ourselves, you deserve the freedom to move forward from this hurt, so it’s time to let it go.

Letting Go

When we learn to let go, we are capable of bringing so much joy into our lives and the lives of those we love.

So, how does one get to this point of forgiveness when she’s been slashed by the actions of someone else? Where does one start when the anger is so deeply embedded in the heart?

There is a flow in life that protects us from the rigidity of imposed control. This flow is life affirming and capable of bringing out the hidden gems that reside in us all. We must be willing to let go to access it, though. In that tight policing of labor within a grip, we create a stop-loss of sorts that derails and confines us. The more sustainable choice is to choose to live in freedom, where we open the spigot to self-love and allow for its fluidity to embrace our hurt hearts. To live in peace requires a certain trust in the universe, one that gently reminds us that once we let go of bitterness, a balance within will be restored. This balance will allow for freedom to take over and create our lift out of the darkness and into renewed light. Embrace the whisper brushing softly up against the heart, the one reminding us that we let go not to appease opposition, but to restore flow and release ourselves from the burden of their captivity.

To forgive someone is not to condone

We forgive to free ourselves. Period.

Forgiving someone for their horrible actions doesn’t mean we are accepting them as okay. Absolutely not! They hurt us. In no universe is this acceptable. We are in no way justifying the wrong they’ve caused. That being said, we can forgive people without condoning the act.

We forgive to bring peace back into our lives. We are simply not making their problem ours anymore.

To forgive someone offers you many benefits

We owe it to ourselves and those we love to heal our broken, hurt hearts. Take a look at how powerful an impact forgiveness has on us: 

• We enjoy healthier relationships
• Our minds and hearts are open to greater well-being
• We are not bogged down by extreme amounts of anxiety, stress and anger
• Our blood can pump through our veins as it should, with even keel blood pressure
• We experience greater joy, relieved of depressing triggers
• Our immune system can work at peak capacity
• Our hearts are healthier
• We have a greater outlook on life, therefore offering us a higher self-esteem
• Bring happiness to new relationships and experiences
• More able to enjoy the present moment
• Embrace a life full of purposes, defined on your terms
• Connect richly with others

How to Forgive someone

• Be patient with yourself and realize that forgiveness is a process that takes time. Some can let go in a matter of minutes, others may take years. It must come from within and on your time for it to be genuine and offer you the freedom you deserve.
• When you’re ready, and this is critical and something only you will be able to gauge, make a conscientious decision to forgive the person who’s offended you
• Think of yourself as having full control over yourself as opposed to viewing yourself as a victim, controlled by the actions of others.
• Journal to yourself, releasing your fears, anger, and resentments in the words you choose to write.
• Indulge in guided meditations that help you relax and view the hurt through a lens that serves you not the offender. This will reduce your stress and cause the anger to dissipate.
• Make a gratitude list of everything that is good in your life. Continue this process to remind yourself often of the gifts you do have so you can take the focus off what you don’t.
• Keep in mind that, just like no one should have control over our feelings and actions, so too we do not have control over someone else’s. We can’t change a person. We are not forgiving her in the hopes of changing her. We are forgiving her to change ourselves, so we can enjoy a life full of promise, love, healing, and happiness.
• We forgive to take the power back from someone who has no right in controlling it for us.

If You Can’t Forgive Someone

Be gentle with yourself as you contemplate forgiveness. Some people cannot forgive. And that is okay, and doesn’t make you a weak person in any way. There are times when just knowing the decision is yours, and yours alone, offers a huge relief and actually creates a power that serves you well.

The important and empowering takeaway is that forgiveness is your choice. When you make something your choice, the power is back in your favor. You are no longer a victim. You can decide not to forgive, but not to be bitter. When we learn to drop the bitterness, we open ourselves up to moving on with a lighter heart and a sense of empowerment that will serve us well.

I started to write The Dance after watching a TedTalk video with Dr. Marla Spivak about the declining honeybee populations. I immediately felt the need to write a story that would bring to light ways an individual could learn about these magnificent creatures and help save them through easy actions. The result was an adventure in research that made a huge impact on me personally. The honeybees taught me valuable life lessons. These lessons are weaved throughout this story.

A Book about Love and Friendship

The Dance is a book about love, family and friendship, and learning how to dance with life’s constant spin.

Dog trainer Jacky Applebaum is focused on one thing – making up for a grave misunderstanding that damaged her relationship with her fifteen-year old stepdaughter Sophie. They are suffocating under the pressure of hurt and guilt. Old wounds begin to heal between them when a spirited beekeeper named Brooke Hastings contracts Jacky to train her overly-protective dog, Bee. A mutual affinity grows instantly between them, an affinity Jacky won’t allow herself to embrace. But, the heart knows what it needs. Meanwhile, Brooke hires Sophie as her assistant in the bee apiary. A trust forms, and soon Sophie begins to feel alive again as she comes face-to-face with the many parallels between her and the honeybees she nurtures.

Just as they learn to open up and dance with life again, a hurtful truth reveals itself. Will this truth set them free or unravel all they’ve come to learn about life?

Why I Wrote the Dance

About a year ago, my admiration of  honeybees turned into a healthy obsession to understand this magnificent creature more. I was sitting in my living room, flipping through some TedTalk videos, when I came across one presented by Dr. Marla Spivak, Why Bees are Disappearing.

When the video ended, I immediately knew I wanted to learn much more about honeybees and what I could do as an individual to help save them. I also knew that one day I would write a novel featuring these magnificent beings. Dr. Spivak offered several key ways a person could immediately help save bees. She suggested planting wild flowers and avoiding the use of pesticides and insecticides. I knew I had a lot to learn, and thus one day I’d have a lot to share.

Much to learn about bees

I contacted Dr. Spivak and she referred me to an insightful book, Lessons From the Hive written by a fellow Entomology expert, Mark L. Winston. I absorbed every ounce of information he offered. Then, I furthered my research by contacting a local organic beekeeper at Sweet Artisans Apiary in MD. I sat down with Steve and Kathy Sweet (yes, their last name is so cool and fitting!) and they educated me on everything and anything honeybees. When they spoke, they did so with a love kindred to that of a parent talking about their child. They consider their bees family. The admiration and respect they have for them caused my eyes to tear as I listened to them for four hours on that first encounter.

They later invited me back to their apiary to help them place their pollen collector trays in their hives. Talk about a rush! With the silly, ignorant fears of the past long gone, I suited up in their garage and then entered the apiary – a newfound paradise to my senses. The bees buzzed, danced, and went about their business of maintaining the hive as I stood a curious onlooker to their fascinating lives. Did you know that if you lean in close enough to the honeycomb hive, you can feel the wind from their wings?

I started writing The Dance immediately following this visit.

I hope to spread awareness about the fragility and beauty of the honeybee through The Dance. Through my research on this novel, I hope to bring to light to the issues facing honeybees and ways the community can help save this valuable, keystone species. Readers will catch a glimpse into the magic of these beautiful creatures and learn about the many parallels between them and the book’s characters who nurture them.