I learn lot of life lessons through my characters. They teach me things about life, love, and balance. For instance, when writing Beneath Everything, Sarah taught me how to stop rushing through life and how to discover my purpose.

I learn a lot through them. And, I also learn a lot through trial and error and experiencing challenges. For instance, this past winter was chocked full of life lessons for me. Let me explain… 

I love when my parents visit. When they visited this past winter, I realized that I needed to learn a few practical things. I’m not talking about complex skills that I dream of learning someday. No, I’m talking about basic things that aren’t necessarily intuitive to the average person, but easy enough to learn if you take the time to learn them.

During my parent’s visit, I came across an important skill I needed, and after taking a few minutes to learn it (that’s really all it took), I will never have to worry about having trouble with it again.

Practical Things

How to Avoid Frozen Pipes. 

Here’s what happened. The timing of their visit couldn’t have been better. Two days before they arrived, I took my dog, Bumblebee, outside to the backyard so she could do her thing, you know, chase a few squirrels, bark at the trees, and of course, relieve herself. I was standing there admiring the mild winter day when I heard a dripping noise.

I looked behind me and noticed water dripping from the deck above. This was strange because three months earlier I had shut off the outside water. So, I’m standing there with my hands on my hips trying to figure out why this water was dripping from the copper piping of the water spigot on my upper deck. I mean the water’s been shut off for three months. I checked inside to make sure I did in fact shut off the water supply to the outside, and I did.

Fast forward two days and my parents arrive. My dad’s a master plumber, so he took a look right away.

Turned out I did in fact shut off the water to the outside, just not correctly. There’s a system to shutting off your outside water for the winter months. I did not know this. I thought, all I had to do was turn the knob and all would be fine.

Yeah. Well, there’s more to it than that.

Turned out I was supposed to disconnect my hoses, open up the spigots, and bleed the water from the pipes because apparently there’s a ton of water still left in them if you don’t do this critical step. Who knew? I don’t believe this is common knowledge. I’ve owned this home for over ten years and never knew this. I’ve been very lucky. Turned out my pipe did burst and we had to replace it. Thankfully, my dad’s a plumber and can do that blindfolded if he really wanted to. Anyone else would’ve had to pay a plumber a lot of money to fix the problem.

This is a skill every homeowner should have. Yet, I don’t think that knowledge is passed down to people when they are handed the keys to their new homes. I certainly didn’t get the notice!

I had no clue how to winterize my water spigots. I honestly never asked my father because I assumed all I had to do was turn off the water source.

So, this little lesson I had learned got me thinking. What other practical skills should a person consider learning?

More Practical Things

How to Change a Tire

If you aren’t in a position to call for roadside assistance, you’re going to need to know how to take that bad tire off and put a new one on. For me to go through the steps on this podcast might put you to sleep. So, what I would recommend is to go on Youtube and search for how to change a flat tire. And if you prefer step by step writing instructions to keep in your car, then bridgestone.com has a wonderful guide.  Print it and keep it handy in the event you’re stuck.

Another great resource that is chocked full of detailed instruction on how to change a flat tire can be found on this helpful website that’s all about the road and the vehicles we use to travel them. There’s also a helpful video to walk you through the steps.

How to Remember a Name

Another practical thing that many don’t think about learning is how to remember names. One of the simplest ways to make someone feel valued is by remembering her name. I think a lot of us take it for granted that we’ll remember when we need to. It’s not a thing most worry about. They hear a name, shake hands, walk away and don’t give the person’s name a second thought until they meet up again. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been in that situation more times than I care to admit. It’s embarrassing and easy to fix.

When you meet someone, repeat their name a few times during your initial conversation. Put their name to your muscle memory. Then, there’s always the verbal game or image you conjure up when you first meet someone. I love this and do it all the time now. For example, I have a neighbor with a pug named Max. Her name is Cindy. How I remember her name is by thinking it’s a sin to max out my credit card. Every time I see them, I think of a credit card maxed out and what a sin it is. Cindy and Max.

How to Apologize

I have another good practical skill that can be a life-changer. You should know how to say “I’m sorry” and “I was wrong.” Many of us get this wrong. I’ll firmly admit that I’m stubborn and have too much pride at times to be able to apologize. It’s taken me a long time to learn this valuable skill, thanks to the help of my spouse. Turns out the faster I apologize, the better I feel. Who knew?

It’s not comfortable for any of us to admit an error, or to acknowledge that something we’ve done has caused others harm or inconvenience. But when we do, we’re putting honesty above comfort, and that’s a brave thing to do.

So, how do you go from total stubbornness and even shame to hey, I’m really sorry?

You’ve to state the obvious. You must lead off with I’m sorry. Also stay in the first person. Never use the second person (the you did this or you didn’t do that language). All you’ll do by accusing the other person of being a part of the problem is set off defenses. Nothing gets solved in the environment of defenses. If you’re at fault. Own up to it. Period. You also have to say what it is you regret and leave it at that. Don’t end the sentence with an excuse. Be sure to offer a solution on how you can fix things. Then follow up and actually do it. Simple as that. Next thing you know, your shoulders will relax and you’ll be able to breathe lighter.

How to Show Gratitude

Showing gratitude seems like a fairly intuitive skill, but so many people fail to act on it.

I interview many people in my position at the university, and the best candidates are those who follow up with a handwritten thank you note. Yes, email is good, but handwritten is better. Let’s face it, it makes you feel special and appreciated when you receive that kind of attention.

When I get a handwritten note, a smile takes over my entire face and my finger can’t open that envelope fast enough. It reminds me of being a child and receiving letters from my aunt or from my pen pal in Denver. A handwritten note is a treasure. My sister is great at making sure her two sons understand the importance and significance of a handwritten note. I always send them birthday cards with a token gift, and a few weeks later, I open my mailbox to the delight of their handwritten thank you notes. I save them all. They are very special to me. There is a warmth to handwritten notes that goes a long way and can bring a person to a state of absolute joy.

How to Clean a Coffee Maker 

Lastly and probably most importantly, is how to clean a coffee maker effectively. Just recently, I went on a mad cleaning frenzy in my kitchen. I’d been sick with flu-like symptoms for four months and was tired of it. Well, when I took apart my coffee maker, I discovered something horrendous. I flashed a light into the water receptacle and discovered black mold. Yup. I’d been drinking black mold for who knows how long. I tossed the coffee maker out and bought a new one. Did you know that you are supposed to sanitize your coffee maker monthly? I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t. Apparently, this is a major health issue for many. Doctors are treating patients who suffer from chronic respiratory issues with antibiotics, nasal sprays, inhalers, you name it, and failing to realize the simple cause is a buildup of black mold in the coffee maker. Vinegar is all one needs to keep their appliance brewing clean coffee.

It’s recommended to clean with vinegar once a month, but the obsessive person in me is planning to do it once a week. Simply pour 4 cups of distilled white vinegar in the coffee maker water receptacle and brew it. Then, run clear water through the brew cycle twice afterwards. Voila. Clean, mold-free coffee! I’ve been able to toss out my inhalers and nasal sprays. I feel like a million bucks now!

So there you have it. Six practical things that are pretty intuitive and simple to put into practice. The effort to grasp them is minimal compared to the results of learning them and applying them. Just think, by learning them you could save yourself from a busted water pipe. You could gain a great opportunity to make someone feel valued by remembering her name. You can enjoy the stress-free feeling of admitting your faults. And let’s not forget the great feeling you’ll capture by going above and beyond to make someone feel super special just by taking that extra few minutes to let them know you care enough to put pen to paper when it would be much easier, but far less memorable, to send a text message.

Here’s to living in a constant state of improving through learning. Cheers!

Complaining feels therapeutic. It even creates a sense of intimacy with friends. Let’s face it, sometimes a woman just wants to complain, right? It feels good to get things off the chest. We bond with friends and lovers over these venting sessions. We empty our souls of the injustices, rudeness, and nerves of those people who think they can push our buttons. Sometimes we even continue the vent in our minds, kicking around those bad feelings and hoping maybe they’ll make more sense once we’ve mulled over them long enough.

The truth is I rarely feel good after complaining. I usually feel worse. The emotions heighten to dangerous levels, the kind that threaten all sense of reason. I never get the kind of feedback from the person taking on my vents. They never say exactly what I want them to say. How could they when I’ve set the expectation to absolute agreement?

To Complain or Not

I used to think venting was a good thing. I thought it best to get everything out in the open, so it had space to dissipate. Well, if that’s how it actually happened, I suppose it would be a good thing. But venting doesn’t usually erase the feelings.

For me, it just increased the stress load. I wanted to know why. Why doesn’t unloading all of those ill feelings towards someone or something help? Why did it make me feel worse?

I know why. I always have.

Deep down I understand that no one, including myself, wants to listen to someone complain. I don’t like it when people complain. It’s negative and unproductive. 

Something I learned over time is that complaining can affect my health. I used to be the kind of person who would take a bad thing and allow it to boil in my mind. Well, as a writer, I’ve quite the vivid imagination. When I let that stress run wild, yikes, watch out. I can’t believe the kinds of things my mind can do with stress!

I used to obsess about being wronged, be it by a friend, family member, or even a total stranger servicing me at the grocery store. I could take a hurtful statement and blow it up in my mind so big that by the time a day or two had passed, I’d created this entire fictional motion picture in my mind’s eye. I’d become the victim to not only the hurtful statement that I kept reciting in my mind, but then other things my imagination drew from it as well.

That kind of thinking is dangerous.

If you keep reflecting or talking to someone about your woes, be it a hurtful statement or poor service, you will keep reliving it. When you do this, your body goes into stress mode. Your blood pressure rises, heart pounds, breathing shallows, and head starts to ache. This kind of action floods the bloodstream with the stress hormone cortisol. 

Why We Complain

When I fall into complaining mode I do so because, in that moment, I feel powerless to get the results I want. One of my pet peeves is being treated poorly by a service rep. It digs deep and makes me want to scream. I become extremely anxious when I get bad service. I want to complain. I want to tell the rep she’s wrong. I want to tell her manager. I want to tell everyone in the store. I know deep down that is not going to solve anything. I’m agitated and too emotional to have a productive dialogue. Besides, I hate conflict.

I used to avoid conflict, especially when it came to someone I love, because I hate to argue. I like keeping things smooth. But, that isn’t healthy, either. Conflict is part of life, and I needed to learn how to deal with it effectively. 

So I educated myself.

I went through a period of time when I soaked up all the self-help advice from gurus I could find. I knew I needed work. I needed to shape my mind and my heart in a way that would benefit me and those in my life. Tony Robbins proved to be instrumental in my development. One of the biggest lessons I got from him was to look at something troubling and ask, what’s good about this problem?

Right there, that was my answer to dealing with conflict effectively. Stop complaining and turn to problem solving instead.

When you complain, you just rant. But, if you change your perspective to be in the position of problem solving, you go into conflict situations with an end goal in mind.

When I learned this, my life and relationships changed. I stopped venting and went into problem solving mode. I began to look at situations differently. I stopped complaining and took positive action to complain effectively to get win-win results. I learned that there is a method to complaining that can yield great results.

Have a goal.

Know what you want before you open your mouth. This sets you up to focus on the end result and also helps set the complaint up to have a resolution. People want to help each other. It’s innate in us. So, by knowing the end goal is likely to result in a win-win for both parties, you’re helping to set the person on the other end up to be in a position to help you instead of want to get away from you.

Begin on a positive note.

Just like when you deliver critique, the sandwich approach helps to keep the lines of communication flowing. Start positive, deliver the critique, and end with another positive.

Begin with a positive statement that supports your end goal. This will place the person in a position of openness instead of defensiveness. Usually, stating a common goal helps. If it’s a loved one, something as simple as “I love you, and I want us both to be happy,” can start the conversation off on the right tone.  

Keep the complaint tidy.

Don’t go into grueling detail. Stick to the point. Keep it simple to avoid talking at someone. You want to stay engaged in a productive dialogue.

End with a positive statement.

If it’s solved, great. Voice your appreciation. If it’s not resolved, end with something along the lines of “I really want to work together on solving this.” Or , if complaining to a service rep about a product. Acknowledge your frustration as a feeling and not an attack. If you’re feeling frustrated, soften it with, “I’m sorry I sound upset. It’s not you. It’s the situation, product, rule, etc.”

If you set it up as a win-win and a team effort to find solutions that work for both of you, people will be more likely to stay open and participate.

Don’t relive the frustration.

Voice your complaint, then let it go. Rehashing the same argument over in your head will stir up emotions and cause you to feel like a victim. Empower yourself. Don’t run from conflict. Instead, face the conflict in a healthy manner, one that sets you both up to win.

Still frustrated?

Continue to ask yourself, “What’s good about this problem?” Your brain is going to find a great answer for you. It won’t stop until it does. It’s better to keep your brain busy on answering a productive question than allowing it to wander aimlessly through imagined scenarios with you as a victim.

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Happiness is one of those things we all strive to achieve. After all, no one sets out to be unhappy. Though, I’ll admit, sometimes a woman needs a moment to allow emotions to sink in before she’s ready to move on and put the past in the past or the future out in front where it will always be.

I tend to be an overly sensitive, analytical person who struggles with obsessive thoughts on how I could’ve or can make things work better. I grab onto that invisible rope of control and pull on it, intent on setting things into a place that is comfortable and beneficial.

At first glance, this seems like a good thing. I want good things to come. I want a win-win. I want to ensure that the steps I took yesterday or take today are working in a strong favor. How can this be a bad thing?

Well, it can turn bad quickly because I have no control over half of the outcomes. I can’t control the actions of others or the feelings of others. 

The Truth about Happiness

Firstly, I can’t control what’s already happened, and I certainly can’t make the future do what I want. It’s going to take me on a ride, and it’s up to me to either enjoy it and soak up all the lessons or frantically pull on those reins and lose focus through the frustrated tears or, even worse, egocentric lens.

With all that in mind, how can we stop obsessing about all those things of which we have no control so we can be happy with this moment at hand? Perhaps it’s advantageous to take a look at factors capable of holding us back from our deserved happiness, then working out a way to reengage.

Happiness Zappers

Ignoring Your Creative Side 

I love to oil paint. I haven’t picked up a paintbrush in over three years, however. It takes a lot to get set up. I have to take the easel out of hiding. Place the canvas on it. Prep my palette with wax paper. Put on my gloves and apron. There’s so much to do. So much prep work. So much organizing before I can splatter paint on my palette, blend colors with my knife, and decide what colors I will use to shadow and highlight.

What you just heard there was an excuse. A silly excuse. Silly because once I actually do plop paint on my brush and sweep it over my canvas, I am taken away to a place that opens my soul and tickles my creative brain. New synapses form. Feel good chemicals flow into my mental receptors. The past and future fade and I sink right into the blissful moment at hand. Before I know it, hours have disappeared along with my anxieties and obsessions over anything not paint, brush, and art. Aside from when I’m writing, when I am oil painting, I am in my heaven. I am sitting in the sweet pocket of happiness.

Take time to be creative.

Holding Onto Anger

I’ve had a few experiences in life that if I allowed them to, they’d rob me and leave me naked. One that comes to mind is when I lost a friendship over irreconcilable differences. We both had our needs and demands, and we both thought of ourselves as the right one.

This stubbornness and anger towards each other’s positions cost us. Our friendship no longer sailed the calm waters of happiness, but instead took a steep head into a direction neither one of us wanted to go. I was left with a bitter taste I couldn’t wash away, and held onto that for so long that I missed taking the next step forward into life. 

I ultimately had to let go of the anger to move on and embrace the life right in front of me. It’s good to analyze and learn from life’s lessons. If you can set things right, set it right. If you can’t, you must let go to move forward. 

Waiting for The Perfect Moment

There is no perfect moment to make a move. We just have to trust that we’ve planned and prepped to the best of our ability. But there comes a time when you just have to let go of fear and anxiety and go for it. Take the leap. Jump in.

If we never plunge into our desires, we’ll never experience them. I would never advise to jump into something blindly. Take some time to plan your move, but don’t take too much time. A lot of us get stuck in waiting on that moment when everything is perfectly aligned. There is no perfect moment.

“The time is never going to be perfect,” Jolene said. “If you wait for that, the moment’s gone and all you’ve gained is regret. You know how to handle regret, and quite well, so go handle it,” she whispered to Sarah who dangled from the boat’s ladder. – Beneath Everything

Seeking Approval

As a writer, I’ve grown into the type of person who relies heavily on the feedback of readers to gauge my success or failure. That is so dangerous. I’m acutely aware that placing someone else’s opinion on such a tall pedestal is only setting me up for extreme disappointment.

Early on in my writing career, I used to allow negative reviews to steal my happiness. Then, one day, after completing the final round of edits on my novel, The Dance, I decided I really loved the story and put everything I had into it. I worked my ass off on it, and even if no one liked it, I loved it. I tucked lots of love in between every single word I wrote of it.

I finally concluded that as long as I put my best into something, it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thought. I was happy. I loved that story. That moment marked a major shift in the way I view feedback. Sure, I still try to learn from negative reviews, but I don’t let them steal my happiness. I look at them as learning opportunities, and that has made all the difference.

Comparing Yourself

I remember back to before I bought my home. I was renting a drafty apartment and wanted so badly to have the resources to purchase a home. Meanwhile my siblings and friends were all prancing around with giant smiles on their faces revealing their pride of ownership over their beautiful homes.

They’d talk about their décor, their yards, their plans for expansions, and my heart would shrivel in the company of their happiness. I was jealous, envious, and viewing my lack as a total failure.

I compared myself to everyone around me, and the result was nothing joyful. In the comparisons of their newly built decks and planting of trees, I stared at my current circumstance with unease. I failed to see the blessings of my situation.

I was free. I was not strapped by a huge mortgage. I could pack up and move at a moment’s notice. I had choices. I had no pressure. And, I also had a future where someday I would own something too. I was so caught up in what I lacked that I failed to see what I actually had, which was a wonderful life filled with choices and freedom.

When you compare yourself to others, you’re not being fair to yourself. You’re assuming that what others find happiness in you will too. It’s a matter of focusing on the gifts in your life and being grateful for them. Find that shining light in each situation, and there you’ll discover happiness.

What is holding you back from true happiness? Tell us below.

Here’s the secret to staying dynamic – be willing to let go and change.

While in the middle of writing my newest novel, Beneath Everything, I was on a live radio show with Bernadette Boas from Shedding the Bitch and we had a great conversation about dealing with life’s curves and staying dynamic (a topic my main character, Sarah, dives into throughout the novel). She wrapped up our fun 45-minute chat with this question: What are 3 tips you can give listeners to help them overcome or deal with life’s curves.

Staying dynamic comes down to really great questions

First of all, I want to say that I loved that question. I loved it because it automatically got my brain searching for answers. I love thought-provoking questions because they have the capacity to nudge a person from a state of helplessness to empowerment in seconds.

Think about those times in life when you’ve felt like the weight of the world decided to take a break on your shoulders. It just plopped all its troubles and obstacles onto you and as a result you felt unable to deal with things.

It’s hard to figure a way out of a tough situation when it’s pressing you down. The mind just sort of parks itself and it starts to feel like no matter how much you try to move, you just can’t. Staying dynamic grows increasingly difficult. It feels better to just sit still and wait for the pressure to subside.

Here’s the problem with sitting idle and waiting on life to change on its own:

The longer you sit in the tracks of that parked position, the harder it is to get out of it.

You can’t sit through life’s problems and think that willing them to go away is going to solve anything. I know that sounds kind of harsh, and I’m sorry if it does. But, if we’re keeping things real here, what I just said is true. Problems are not going to solve themselves by wishing them away or by complaining about them.

You have to take action, and most likely that action will require you to make a change.

Change is a scary thing to most of us.

But, it’s through change that we’re able to get on a better track. A lot of people get stuck because they’re not sure exactly what to change. They know something needs to be different. They just don’t know where to start.

Letting go of what you’ve always known can be extremely uncomfortable. But you know, it’s when you get uncomfortable that you place yourself on the path to improvement.  

It’s hard enough to admit when something is no longer working, and possibly even harder to not become overwhelmed by figuring out a plan to get things working again.

Be default, we’re programmed for survival. We’re programmed to set ourselves up for success. No one ends up on a wrong road on purpose. We end up there for many reasons, one sometimes being that we settled into what was easiest and bearable.

If you strive for more than just survival and bearing with life’s situations, and I hope you do, then you need to find a way to get from a point of complacency to a place where you thrive.

What’s the Secret to Staying Dynamic?

That’s where great questions come into play. Great questions like the one the radio show host, Bernadette, asked me at the end of her radio show. Questions that ignite that part of your brain to go into search mode and find answers that will serve you best.

A great question is like getting splashed by a glass of cold water. 

It wakes a person up and gets her out of the muck of her past failures and fears and places her into the arms of reality, into the present moment where real life is taking place and waiting for her to get on board.

When Bernadette asked me for 3 tips, my brain went into search mode, creating an instant wave of empowerment that helped remind me of what’s important.

The top three actions that help me to stay in a dynamic state and away from the comfort zone of stagnation are 1. Take deep breaths 2. Learn something new daily and 3. Surround myself with encouraging people who set the example of how to add value to those around them.

So let me back up a moment and break these down further. 

Taking a deep breath.

Why is this important? It seems rather simple, right? When was the last time you took a deep, thoughtful breath? Take one right now. Draw it deep into your lungs and hold it there for a few seconds before releasing it. I bet that felt great. Next time you’re stressed or overwhelmed, try taking breaths like this. Breath in, hold it, then release it. Repeat this for two minutes. That one action will change the way you feel in a positive way.

Learn something new daily. 

When you learn, your brain gets excited because it forms new connections. By learning you can grow as a person, develop your knowledge base and improve yourself for the better. When this happens you view the world through a different lens. This new lens offers insights and access to new and different opportunities.

Surround yourself with encouraging people. 

The people you spend time with have a huge impact on your life. “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” according to motivational speaker Jim Rohn.

Are the people you are spending the most time with people who support you, encourage you, and make you feel energized and happy? I hope you can answer yes to most of these because that means you’re setting yourself up to put forth the same to others. If no, ask yourself where you can find such friends. As already established, your beautiful brain will go into search mode to figure it out for you.

Thriving in life comes down to an important action: asking yourself really great questions. The next time you find yourself in a not so ideal situation, ask yourself what is one thing I can do in this very moment to get my focus off the problem and onto something positive? Trust in yourself that you will find the answer. You’ll be amazed at how creative your brain can be when it comes to helping you not just survive, but thrive in this life.

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by a project? Do you ever get stuck staring at the task at hand, contemplating its enormity and wonder how in the world you will even be able to take a first step towards tackling it?

Overwhelming Tasks

Nothing screams overwhelming like a gigantic, looming task with no end in sight and no obvious place to start. The natural response when facing an insurmountable mountain like this is to run the other way and hope for something easier.

But, as much as you might want to toss that monster, stress-inducing idea aside and tackle something less intimidating and immediate, the fighter in you stands her ground. You want to accomplish this goal. You want to stand on the other side of that mountain and say, I didn’t let you get in my way because I’m stronger than that!

You realize, you just need a plan. You need a strategy. You need to take that first step, then another, until you’ve taken enough to transport you from overwhelmed to victorious. If a dream is too big to grasp, it’s hard to view it in any immediate terms. So, here is where you can play a productive card in your hand and turn that enormous, scary mountain into something more digestible.

In my book, Productivity: 15 Simple Tips to Get Things Done, I shared some ways to get past the feeling of being overwhelmed by chunking a project down into small, digestible steps.

Stop feeling overwhelmed one bite at a time

Imagine you’re staring at a plate of macaroni. If you attempted to clear your plate in one move, you’d choke. So, instead, you’d dig your fork into it and conquer one bite at a time, allowing yourself the time, space, and ability to accomplish the task at hand.

Before you know it, you will start to see the plate’s surface. One by one, that pile of macaroni disappears and digests, offering you more productive fuel to power your journey to the ultimate goal.

View your dreams like that macaroni. Break the enormous dream (clearing your plate) into tasks (one bite at a time), and devour them until you’ve succeeded.

As you start to work on your tasks, one digestible step at a time, celebrate your successes. Treat yourself when you complete a portion. You’ll be amazed when you look back and realize how much progress you made! 

Stop feeling overwhelmed: Take a step back

Don’t be afraid to take a few steps backwards if you run into obstacles. Many believe that productivity means pushing forward no matter what. That can sometimes be counterproductive if you’re facing a brick wall. Often times, these brick walls offer opportunity to step back and take a look at your path to make sure it’s still right for you.

If a brick wall stands in your way, instead of limiting yourself to the planned route, allow for flexibility. In fact, plan on it. You need to be flexible. Being flexible sometimes takes us off the structured path, and that’s good. We often find solutions on that ground that has never seen a footprint.

To get to where you’re going, you may have to take several steps backwards, giving yourself time to consider things with more creativity. Being productive has nothing to do with speed or time, but progress. Progress sometimes requires stepping back, taking in a wider view, and then getting back to the task at hand with a clearer plan of action.

Leave a Task Incomplete

If you’re stuck on a task, in addition to taking in a wider view, you can also take another approach. Select the biggest tasks to complete your ultimate goal. These will become your anchors.

Here’s how. Leave these incomplete, on purpose.

Say what?

Yes. When you leave tasks incomplete, your mind won’t forget them. You create a cliffhanger that begs for you to go back and settle the intrigue. Not only will the cliffhanger beg for your continued attention, but it’ll do something very productive. It will create opportunity for freshness to flow in because you will be figuring out how to tackle the cliffhanger in a new setting, which will allow for new perspectives.

Most of my creative ideas flow to me when I’m not in front of my computer. I love leaving a cliffhanger sentence at the end of a writing session because I contemplate how I will resolve or build upon it while I’m not in front of a blank computer screen.

Over to you: Do you have ways that help you to stop feeling overwhelmed?

Learning how to focus better can bring astonishing benefits to life. To achieve goals, it’s imperative to gain control over your habits.

Binge-Worthy

I’ve been on a serious Netflix binge lately and it’s really messing with my productivity. These Netflix television series are so darned addictive that I have a hard time turning them off. They make them addictive by writing these incredible characters and then sucking you into their fictitious lives one dramatic moment after another.

In moderation, watching television dramas can be helpful to my writer’s brain. I learn about what makes someone lovable or annoying and what keeps someone glued to the story line. But, watch too much, and all that knowledge goes to waste because I have no time left to apply it!

Either the writers of these television dramas need to take it down a notch or I need to practice more discipline and say no to that remote control more often. Such a dilemma. I’m sure nobody can relate (wink).

In all seriousness, all of this addictive spectator activity I’ve immersed myself in lately has taught me something. It’s opened up my mind to the important fact that I do have control over myself and if I don’t exercise that control, someone else will. I don’t know about you, but I’m not a huge fan of someone else taking over the steering wheel and driving me to a place far off from my intended destination.

Here’s the thing, if you, like me, want to get ahead and stay productive, you must determine which activities are holding you back and which are helping you move forward. Then, and only then will you be able to set yourself in motion and make some progress.

How I learned to focus better

Here’s what I did. I made a plan. I always make a plan when I’m feeling out of control. I sat down, reassessed my priorities, and analyzed what I needed to do to make them my primary focus.

Quickly, I calculated that I would need to step away from the television during the hours when I am at my creative best. But, being realistic and knowing the value of analyzing the works of others, I also set aside one hour a day to indulge in one show a night. That is my reward for sticking to my priorities.

So how do you figure out what your priorities are?

Decide three things are most important to you. That’s it. Keep the list short and sweet.

My list

• Family/friends
• Health
• Personal and professional development

Activities

From this list, decide what activities you must do to stay focused on them. These will become your High Value Activities (HVA).

• Walking with my family and eating dinner together
• Exercise, meditate, and prep nutritious meals
• Perform work duties at the office, learn as much as I can, and work on my book writing business (i.e. write, blog, podcast, promotions, etc).

Then, you must prioritize those activities and attend to them the most. This means, before I watch television, I need to have taken action on at least one thing from my HVA list. More is better, of course, but I measure my success in overcoming my television-binge-watching addiction by weighing in on if I accomplished at least one HVA for the day.

Let’s look at an example

You have to figure out what activities will move you closer and which ones suck the life out of your dreams.

So, say you’re a web designer with dreams to open your own design studio, then your highest value activities should remain focused around activities that bring you increase in your knowledge, client base, and bottom line. Those activities should get precedent over anything else on your daily list. You want to focus on improving your skills in this area, always searching for new opportunities as you prepare by doing the work that will generate the level of awareness you need to succeed.

Or say you want to write novels, then writing a novel should be on the top of your activities list. When I set out to write The Dance, I got so side-tracked with my to-do list that I left little time to get the story fleshed out. Thankfully, I smartened up and got cracking! Too often people avoid the very thing they should be doing by adding extraneous things onto their plate, like mindless activity, things that can delegated instead, or indulging in bad habits.

Highest Value Activities

If it helps, think of your activities as investment vehicles. The investment is your time, energy and attention. The yield is the outcome of this investment. Be sure you are spending your time wisely on those activities that will generate the tools, knowledge, and revenue you need to sustain and increase momentum towards your dream.

A Few Tips on How to Focus Better

Audit your to-do list

Scan your list and determine which activities are most important to your goals. Ask yourself, how will this help improve my success at achieving XYZ? Those answers should help you determine which gets moved to the top and to the bottom of your list.

Select one HVA

In your daily routine, you will have many items that aren’t HVAs, but are nonetheless important and necessary to get done. Things like cleaning the bathroom, sending your mom a quick email to let her know you love her, walking your dog, etc. Although these items aren’t adding revenue to your bottom line, they are still vital to your life. That being said, when analyzing your list for HVAs, select one that you will do for each day. Don’t go a day without doing at least one HVA. You may not get to all of them, but you can at least do one.

Delegate

You may find that you are bogged down with tasks that have to be done, but don’t add any value to your ventures. Are there things you can delegate on your list to clear up space for your HVAs? When you clear your schedule, you open yourself up to clarity and the freedom to discover more value in your daily actions.