Taking the easy road tempts me from time to time because, well, it’s easy! I know that easy never helped me grow, though. I started thinking about the easy road after I saw a quote from Jim Rohn: “Don’t join an easy crowd; you won’t grow. Go where the expectations and the demands to perform are high.”

So curious as I am, I wanted to see what this quote meant to others. I posted it on all my social media accounts and asked, “In what way has this quote applied to your life?”

People responded, and I was thrilled because the variations on their answers totally inspired me and expanded my mind. If you’ve listened to my podcast or read some of my Curves Welcome blog you know I am woman who loves to have her mind expanded by learning new things or new ways of viewing the world.

I thought it might be fun to share some of their thoughts on taking the easy road.

Don’t join an easy crowd; you won’t grow. Go where the expectations and the demands to perform are high. – Jim Rohn

Being Here is Enough

“My being me is enough for me. Being where I am moment by moment, trusting the universe to lead me to where I’m supposed to be has made my life of retirement a great adventure.” – Jean

To me this means Jean is exactly where she wants to be right now, and I think that’s the ultimate goal in life. So kudos to Jean. Embrace the retirement and all the great things is offers.

Easy Enough, But…

“When I was 16, my crowd consistently took what we deemed the easy road. By 21 I had dropped out of high school, got married, had 2 children, got divorced, and taken a job as a waitress to support my kids. It wasn’t a bad living. It was easy enough. I paid the bills. But I was stagnant. One day, a woman came into our restaurant. I waited on her. To get a better tip, I told her I loved to read. She started asking me to read pieces of literature and to discuss them with her. I found I actually enjoyed it after I got over the feeling of being too dumb to understand them.

That woman was a lit professor, and she never stopped challenging me. Because of her, I will never choose easy again. My first novel will be dedicated to her and to Robert Frost, whose works sit on my shelf with an inscription from my professor. A gift at my graduation from college, it is one of my most prized possessions.” – Tammy

Wow, that’s truly inspiring, isn’t it?! That professor is living a life of purpose, that’s for sure. We never know when our actions will inspire others.

Starter of New Things

“I have never been one to follow the crowd. I have always been a starter of new things and a prodder and poker of norms. And I am never afraid to learn a new skill. Eg. Three years ago I had no idea how to market on Facebook. Now I do. Four years ago I had no idea how to do a review site. I think, though, that my own expectations of myself are way higher than those of others.” Sheena

Sheena inspires me all the time. She’s the founder of The Lesbian Talk Show, which is the host to Curves Welcome podcast and many more! A little background… One day I put out an inspirational video, Get Uncomfortable, and she contacted me right away asking what I thought about producing a podcast with similar inspiring content. My life’s never been the same since! Podcasting has enriched my work and placed me on a path I absolutely love. Sheena sets her own expectations for herself and exceeds them. I consider her a role model. So thanks Sheena!

A Good Respite

“Easy crowds where you’ve made your place are good respites. But they don’t pull the best out of you. My motivations are internal also, but there are people and groups that shine the light on higher deeds, harder goals, and loftier problems to solve. I intend to gravitate toward them even when I swear I am not going to.” – Jeanelle

There is so much truth in what Jeanelle wrote. I agree that easy crowds offer a rest, and I’m a firm believer that we require such rest breaks along the way. That creates balance.

I Wouldn’t Change a Thing

“I realized at a young age that I was different. And, I didn’t know why or how just that I didn’t like to do what little girls were supposed to do. It was the early 60’s. I guess I decided to go my own way. My parents were usually okay with it, I think?! I became unique, to me at least. I was a good student who got into some trouble, played with mostly boys but could behave when my Mother’s eagle eyes were watching. It taught me to be strong, resilient and independent. And I wouldn’t change a thing.” – Lynne

Ah, I love this. I wish every women this same healthy perspective of herself.

“When you realize at an early age you are different, joining the easy crowd means you try to become what you are told you are supposed to be.

I still remember how icky that felt to pretend to be someone I knew I was not. I had introvert tendencies, and that helped me to observe more things around me. “Who is that and why is she sitting there alone? What are those people doing over there and can I do that? Can I travel to places I’ve read about?”

When I stumbled upon a career, I didn’t know 92% of my co-workers would be dudes; girls aren’t geeks, geeks don’t accessorize.

It was much later in life that I connected the dots. I had no choice but to walk away from the easy crowd. I was not even close to being like they were. Walking my own path was lonely at times, but I learned to ask “What IF…Then what.” As far as I’m concerned, that worked out quite well.” – Amy

Well, Amy, as far as I can tell, it sure has worked out quite well! I am a huge fan of that question, what if. In answering it, we discover so much depth to our potential.

Never Took the Easy Road

“Actually, what I thought of when I read this was how easy it is once you’re in management to become a typical manager and not care about worker rights and the tribulations of your supervisees. So, when I was working as a manager, I never took the easy road of agreeing with management but consistently advocated for my staff.” – Alison

Ah, that is a sign of a true leader. That’s what makes this world a better place, people who do the right thing even when it’s not easy to do.

Something Worthy

“FWIW in my case, it means when it comes to writing, I have to step up. I can never allow myself to become complacent. I can never allow myself to turn in something that I (italics on ‘I’) think isn’t good enough. Yes, that means more pressure to produce, but the feeling of satisfaction over turning out something worthy is worth it to me.” – Jesse

(Just a side note … I had no idea what FWIW meant! (giggle giggle) Which is usually the case with most acronyms for me. It took me a few long seconds, but I finally realized it meant for what it’s worth! Thank you Jesse for making me stretch my mind! And Jesse Frankel, that’s why I love your books and would never hesitate to recommend them! Your work ethic reminds me of something my parents instilled in me… to take pride in your work and bring the very best you can to it.

Following the Dream

“I was a tomboy when I was a child. I knew I was « different » but nothing in the world prepared me to live a homosexual life ’cause I grew up in a very catholic family. To avoid an argument with my parents my twin sister told my parents  to leave her alone when it came to her boyfriend because she told them they should be more worried about me, the daughter who is a dike !! We were in our last high school year (I had a crush on a classmate. It was mutual but she was afraid to confess it.).

At the university I had a very short period of denial (less than 4 months) during which I dated guys to prove that I wasn’t « like that » but I was very unhappy. Then, I had an opportunity to go to Paris to work after graduation. So, I went there and I discovered the gay-world and decided to be proud of who I was. I was the 1st out member of my family from my mother’s side (since then the older of my (male) cousins and a younger (female) cousin have also come out). Officially, I’m still the only one gay member of the family from my father’s side (Some members of this side of the family say that I make my parents cry.).

The Difficulty

Don’t get me wrong, it was also difficult for my parents. During a three year period, it was hard to communicate, we didn’t know how to discuss this sensitive subject. We all suffered from the situation, but our love is very deep. We finally went through all this mess together and now my parents are very very supportive. When I had an opportunity to come to live on Reunion Island (an Island I have deeply loved since middle School) they were sad to see me go so far away from them. But, they were happy I was able to follow my dream and live it daily.” – Laure

Wow, Laure you are brave and inspiring. You went through some hurtful times – times though that have made you stronger, wiser, and happier.

Insights on the Easy Road

What incredible insights into such a thoughtful quote from everyone.  After reading everyone’s take on it, I began my own reflection of what it means to me, and how I view the easy road.

To me, I interpreted it to mean that if I want to grow, I must continue to seek out challenges that nudge me to think outside the box and view life through a different lens. Only then will I be able to begin the journey to understand life’s intricacies and to face obstacles with a courage born out of the desire to get a little uncomfortable in life in order to truly grasp its delicate beauty and endless offering of gifts.

So over to you, what does this quote mean to you? I hope whatever your understanding of it is, that it brings a smile to your heart and makes you realize just how special you are in this great big universe.

Wishing you the very best, 
Suzie Carr, Author of Amazon #1 Bestselling Sapphic Romance novel, The Curvy Side of Life

We can choose to control emotions or let them control us. After all, it’s important to remember that you are the sum of your choices.

For example, we’ve all heard how one bad move in the morning can create a snowball effect throughout our day. Say you stub your toe on your way into the bathroom first thing. You probably will fear the rest of your day is going to take a sharp turn downhill, and fast.

You’ve barely opened your eyes and already the day is coated with this feeling of dread. You’ve been down this road before. You know the path all too well.

The Struggle is Real

No doubt, it’s hard to control emotions when your toe is throbbing!

First it’s stubbing your toe, next it’s missing the exit on your drive into school or work, then getting to where you need to be only to discover you’ve left you’re your cellphone in your car a whole football field or two or three away. Yeah, I’ve done that a couple times. Actually, I just did the whole forget the phone in the car ordeal the other day.

When all Hell Breaks Loose

I don’t know, it just seems like once the day starts off on the wrong foot, things just seem to go haywire from there. We wake up on the wrong side of the bed and spend the rest of the day in one long trudge to nightfall. Okay, that sounds kind of depressing to me. I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t want to experience sixteen plus hours in that kind of mode. Yuck.

How to Control Emotions

There’s a solution to turning what seems like a failure into a success. Undoubtedly, there is always a solution. Just because something starts out one way, does not give it the power to maintain the status quo for the rest of the day. Thank goodness or else can you imagine how scared we’d feel to wake up in the morning? What if we stub our toe? That would royally suck! If we have no way of setting a new course of direction, then we may as well slip back under the covers and wait out the following twenty four hours to try again the next day.

There’s always a solution to control emotions in any situation if you’re willing to search for it. We can change the direction of our day by the actions we take. To do this, you have to trust yourself, trust that you do have a certain level of control over your emotions and plans.

I don’t believe that what happens to you in the morning sets the tone for the rest of your day. Rather I believe that what you do in response to what happens sets the tone for the rest of your day.

If you’re really having a bad day and need some ‘me-time’ or just plain time out from everyone and everything, that’s okay. Sometimes we need to take care of ourselves and bring our stress levels down before we can improve our situation. For these moments, I have my go-to items.

My Go-To De-Stressor Items

Hand-held Scalp Massager
Adult Coloring Book
Yogi Tea, Honey Lavender Stress Relief
Lavender Eye Pillow
Foot Massage Roller for Reflexology

What the Pros Have to Say

If you read or listen to interviews of successful people, you will hear a similar beat to their advice. They will tell you it’s what they do, the actions that they take in the morning that jump-starts their productivity for the day. If you have a positive experience in the morning, you are more likely to carry that throughout every action of your day. So, it’s important to advise here that if you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, reset yourself to a more positive vibe.

You have that power. You are not a bystander. You’re a participant. That means you have to make this happen. You must control emotions here.

The Power of a List

I find a gratitude list to be helpful. When I’m feeling like I want to slip back under the covers and wait out the tumultuous day ahead, I pull it out and read it to get back onto a frequency that is positive.

You want to set yourself up for success, to be able to learn and grow from what the day offers.

This past year, I spoke with a group of wonderful young adults at a local high school. We had this very discussion about defining success for ourselves and not measuring it against anyone else’s standards. One way I define success for myself is if I have learned something from the day, I have been successful. With that definition, I can’t fail because life is constantly offering opportunities to learn and grow from what we experience. Even if that is getting past a stubbed toe!

Sum of Choices

It’s important to remember that you are the sum of your choices. What you do today affects you tomorrow. As human beings, we’re programmed to seek out habits and structure. We crave the stability of knowing what’s expected.

Surprises are nice in life. They keep us on our toes. But, when it comes to important aspects of life, a system can be the difference between growth and stagnation. Operating within structure helps us to organize our patterns in a logical, clear, and manageable way. For instance, our morning routines allow us to sail through important steps to get us out of bed and out of the door in an organized, non-stressful way. We emerge from our restful slumbers renewed and ready to tackle the day. Our morning ritual sets us up for the ability to rise and meet the world, putting our best foot forward.

Everyday Encounters

Nothing blocks growth faster than stress. And if we let it, stress can control emotions like no other feeling.

Every day we encounter stress in various forms. Some of this stress is good because it pushes us to think outside our comfort zones. But other stress is just annoying, like getting out of the door on time, forgetting things and having to retrace your steps to get to them. Or, having to redo things because one thing led to another and a mess evolved.

Having a set ritual for certain elements of your day, those things that are vital and a part of the fabric of your everyday life, keeps your brain focused by wiping out the unnecessary stress of getting them done.

The Power of Rituals

Rituals can play a huge role in your growth and in your attempt to control emotions. They serve a similar purpose to that of a coach. You see, they keep us on track. Also, they ensure that we’re hitting the important marks of things we might otherwise put aside, like nutrition, stretching, clearing the mind, and de-stressing.

Rituals remind us to pause, reflect and recharge. They help us get past those stubbed toes and back on track, one that is pre-programmed for success.

The rituals I’m talking about are things that we can incorporate into our daily life.

Helpful Rituals:

• Yoga stretches first thing in the morning
• Drinking lemon water upon waking
• Drinking a green smoothie to lift your mood, mental functioning, and immune system
• Reviewing your daily goals
• Deep breathing
• 50 minutes of hard, focused work. 10 minutes of rest. Repeat.
• When eating a meal, eat the meal. Don’t allow distractions, emails, phone calls, or television. Eat the meal and savor it.
• Ask yourself at the end of the day: What important lesson did I learn today?

When you pre-program your day with uplifting activity, you’re way ahead of negativity, and you control emotions at that point. Yes, even if negativity attempts to sneak in first thing in the morning and steal your good vibes, you’ve got a surefire method to stop it in its tracks.

Task-Shifting

Something else that is powerful is creating what I like to call task-shifting rituals. These are rituals that help you to transition from one task to another.

So for instance, I break into a series of 10 quick shoulder rolls followed by ten quick arm swings before any writing session. My mental energy shifts. This exercise releases tension. It tells my brain, it’s time to write now. This ritual gets my brain off any other thoughts and onto the path of creativity.

Out of the Muck

I find that task-shifting rituals like this help to get me out of the grind and muck. My character, Sarah, from Beneath Everything could’ve used some task-shifting rituals to help her escape the rat race sooner. (But, hey, at least she discovered scuba diving! Anytime you get out of your comfort zone, like she did, you get an opportunity to climb out of the muck!)

Anyway, I digressed. See, I still have some things to learn about how to control emotions and stay on track. (smile)

Back to arm swings! Somewhere in the wind that I create with each rotation of my arm, exists a force that expels negative thoughts. I like to imagine that the air circulating within those rotations becomes supercharged with all these cool ions that become the positive catalysts to inspired thoughts.

These task-shifting rituals are also useful for those early morning toe stubs. Just saying.. In case you’re clumsy like me.

Onto a New Frequency

Task-shifting rituals are an invitation to change gears and get off our current frequency and onto this new one. Some people adopt rituals like drinking only green tea while writing, wearing a particular hat when presenting, or doing neck rolls and yawning at the same time (this works quite well!) when deep in a project. Find a ritual that clicks with you, and form it into a habit that you perform when shifting gears.

Furthermore, rituals are established, predictable, patterned behaviors that structure us. We need structure to achieve goals because it allows for more flow.

And, when we have more flow, we are positively affecting the world around us.

And that’s really the point to living life, isn’t it? Spreading the seeds of inspiration and positivity? You have the opportunity to make this world a better place by the choices you make and the actions you take. What a wonderful purpose to embrace.

What are your rituals? 

Wishing you the very best, 
Suzie Carr, Author of Amazon #1 Bestselling Sapphic Romance novel, The Curvy Side of Life

The greatest life lessons learned in life have been through my dogs. Dogs are natural leaders, healers, and friends. Without words, judgment, or criticism, and instead with a simple look, they know exactly how to communicate the important things in life.

Greatest of Life Lessons Learned

One of the greatest life lessons learned from my dogs is indulging in the present moment, or in other words, being mindful.

Dogs understand how to live in the present moment. They know how to dig in and really grasp the here and now. If we can learn how to be more mindful, we can learn how to live a better life. We can also learn how to stay calm, centered and attentive to the present moment. What do mindful people do on a daily basis to make the most out of life?

Life Lessons Learned

Mindful people take walks.

Getting in touch with nature can help rejuvenate and clear your mind of clutter. Stepping outside the door and opening up your stride enables you to get the endorphins flowing. This can help you solve problems by seeing the world in a new view.

There’s something about getting away from the staleness of the indoors that freshens the soul and also makes exercise more fun. Great things happen when your heart starts pumping and energy starts flowing through your body.

Mindful people turn daily tasks into mindful moments.

I recently interviewed a faculty member from the university where I work for a video I was producing on creativity. He spoke about the importance of not dismissing ordinary tasks as a waste of time. Rather, use these moments to heal your restless, overly stressed minds.

So, when washing the dishes, don’t rush through the process. Allow the senses to fully grasp the smell of the soap, the softness of the suds, the flow of the water as it clears a path down the side of a glass. In doing so, you allow your brain a chance to catch up with itself and relax. When relaxed, creativity sparks.

Mindful people create.

As a writer, I sometimes, well actually, I oftentimes, find myself at a loss for words. I sit before a blank computer screen and panic when thoughts fail to bring something definitive, important, or insightful to mind. I become easily distracted by the wind, the television, and the lure of checking in on social media.

When my mind is cluttered this way, the best thing I’ve found to do is to walk away from the writing and embark on something different. I often choose video work, photography or oil painting. During those creative moments when I’m turning my attention to other things, ideas suddenly plant themselves in my brain. So, when I return to my writing, the ideas flow better.

Mindful people pay attention to their breathing.

When you struggle to find your place in this world – you know those moments when endless thoughts bombard you, undone items on your to-do list haunt you, you become dizzy from all the things that concern you – take a time  out and breathe. Take a full concentrated breath deep into your lungs and let it marinate for a few thoughtful seconds before releasing it. Picture that breath cleansing you and washing away all the worries. When you release it, fully release it. Let it all out. Allow all the worries, anxieties, undone items to flow out. Exhale them so they no longer reside inside. Keep doing this for about ten breaths and you’ll feel grounded. As a result, you’ll be more connected to the present moment where you are in control.

Like most people, I’ve got a demanding schedule. I have about twenty tasks staring at me at any given moment. This oftentimes makes me feel I need to tackle a few of them simultaneously to be able to accomplish getting them done. But honestly, all that does is creates havoc. Each task is done half-ass. I never fully inject the tasks with loving attention because I’m spreading myself too thin.

So, I started being more mindful by working really hard on one task at a time for a given period of time. For me that magic number is thirty minutes. I give everything to that task in that time and then I break for ten minutes. Then, I continue to do this during work hours and the result has been incredible. Essentially, I get more done and I get it done better than when I used to multitask. By focusing on one thing at a time, you’ll likely enjoy it better, take more pride in it, and get it done quicker.

Mindful people allow themselves to feel emotions.

This is an important life lesson learned. Too often we hear people say things like avoid negative emotions, always be positive. I think that’s poor advice and sets us up for failure. I don’t advocate sitting endlessly in the company of negativity. What I do advocate is allowing yourself to feel an emotion when it arises and then let it go in a healthy amount of time. What is healthy? That’s up to an individual and circumstance. There’s a process to grief for a reason. One can’t simply jump from suffering a deep loss to smiles and laughter. It takes time and steps to get there.

If you skip those steps, you risk never fully allowing yourself to heal. One should never feel guilty for taking time to experience emotions. In fact, I would argue one might feel more guilt in the long term for not experiencing them. When I’ve suffered loss in my life, what helped me get through was allowing myself time throughout the day to grieve. At times, I’d allow myself to cry, get angry, feel whatever the emotion at the time for five-minute periods. Then, I committed to wiping away the tears or anger after those five minutes and continuing on.

Everyone’s different in their needs, but where we aren’t different is in the reality that emotions are there to help us. They can’t be ignored or dulled. Emotions are real and need to be felt and dealt with.

Lastly, mindful people are conscious of what they put in their bodies — and their minds.

Here’s one of the life lessons learned worthy of much attention: When I fill my body with crappy food, too much wine, or negative news from television and other people’s drama, I feel terrible. I can’t focus. I have no patience. My clothes tighten and restrict my movement. I feel rundown. The list of consequences is endless.

To feel your best, you need to fuel your body and mind with good stuff, nutrients that support your well-being, information that is beneficial and life affirming. Like with a car, when you supply the engine with quality oil, you’re going to get a more quality-filled ride. Your mind and body need quality nutrients and input to thrive. When you have moments where you aren’t feeling your best, stop and analyze what you’ve been feeding yourself. The solution is usually right there for us to see, plain as day.

In summary of my life lessons learned…

So in closing, if my dog, Bumblebee, could speak, she’d tell me to put down my cellphone, turn off the television, grab a leash and walk out the front door on a nice deep rejuvenating breath. So friends, here’s to living in the here and now and always keeping your finger on the pulse of one of life’s greatest gifts, mindfulness.

Over to you, what other ways do you practice to be more mindful?

When you reinvent yourself, you’ll be amazed at how great you’ll feel. Many people fear change for many reasons. Essentially, to reinvent means we’re about to enter unknown territory. We let go of what is safe and predictable. Undoubtedly, we have no idea what waits for us on the other side of that door to transformation. So why take such risks?

Reinvent to Experience Life

With every risk comes uncertainty. Whenever we face a new challenge or opportunity, whether that is a new job, new relationship, or a new place to call home, we have a choice. Essentially, we can stay rigid or become fluid.

Here are a few things to keep in mind:

Firstly, the world never stops moving around you, so to stay rigid forces you into a position of vulnerability.

Secondly, when you open to fluidity, you free yourself to experience the ride. Sometimes this ride is going to whip your hair around and blind you. Sometimes it’s going to take your breath away. Other times it’s going to introduce you to people, places and things you never knew.

Thirdly, when you allow yourself to reinvent, you’re saying yes to the risks and rewards that transformation brings.

How to Reinvent

Visualize Your Ideal Future

Unquestionably, something magical happens when you close your eyes and place yourself in your most ideal scene. Maybe that’s sitting in a chair on the beach with your toes soaking in the water. Or perhaps it’s leading a team of colleagues into a purposeful venture. It could be holding your new child for the first time or petting your new furbaby.

Surprisingly, when you allow yourself to dream this way, you learn what makes your heart sing. Specifically, you grasp hold of those things in life that really matter to you. By visualizing your future this way, you also get to enjoy the emotions of being right there, experiencing it for all the gifts it offers.

Whether you’re in a good or bad situation right now, change can be a good thing. Be the driver of that change by taking a few moments each day to write your story. Put yourself in it and enjoy the journey. You’re more apt to move towards something you love. So why not offer yourself that little nudge?

Create a Visual Reminder

Create a visual display of how you’d like to reinvent your life.

What would it consist of? Is it a new job? Find images of such a role, cut them out and pin them to a cork board. Do you see yourself living abroad? Go to Pinterest, and find images of your ideal location and pin them to your board. Whatever you wish in life, find a representative picture, pin it, and look at it often. 

Overall, think of this board as your wish book, and then place your order.

Own it!

Create a List

The best way to get anywhere in life is to take action steps toward it. What do you need to do to transform your life? If you want to change careers, what kind of training will you need? Put that on your list. If you want to live a healthier lifestyle, perhaps exercise is a task to add to that list. Be sure to frame your list items as action steps that are simple and doable. In other words, avoid general statements like exercise more. Instead make the item more concrete: Workout three times a week for twenty minutes.

Continue to Revisit Your Ideal Transformation 

Continue to close your eyes and place yourself in that ideal scene. Take in the scents, the tastes, the smells. Eventually, the more you do this, the more connected and committed you will be. Remember, change is a continual process, and can be beneficial when you actively participate in its projection. 

Furthermore, it’s important to note that some changes are out of your control. So, for those, you will need to keep your wits about you and remember that everything is temporary. Everything passes with time. Easy times will turn hard. And, thankfully this also means hard times will turn easy.  

This realization makes me think of Lia from Sandcastles when it finally dawned on her that everything is temporary. 

Sandcastles are temporary. Trying to build them into permanent structures is an impossible dream. They fall down quickly, with little warning. The comfort comes when one realizes that when they crumble and fall back into the sea, they become the foundation for something else in the waiting.

Basically, if you crave freedom, choose to reinvent. 

Over to You

If you could reinvent one thing about your life, what would it be?

Wishing you the very best, 
Suzie Carr, Author of Amazon #1 Bestselling Sapphic Romance novel, The Curvy Side of Life

Conflict, specifically, healthy conflict, provides an opportunity for growth. It can excite a new way of viewing the world and empower relationships.

Why Healthy Conflict is Essential

In the beginning of the coming-of-age novel, The Fiche Room, Emma Hill avoided conflict at all costs with those closest to her. She feared fighting and what it would do to her life. She didn’t want to rock the boat because by doing so, she’d have to face potential hurt, chaos, and truths that she’d kept hidden all her life.

Overall, she feared letting others down. She wanted to meet their expectations. She certainly didn’t want to fail at the things she really wanted out of life. Ultimately, she feared facing rejection and hurting others.

Chiefly, she assumed that by keeping the peace, her relationships could stay healthy. Although, what she failed to understand was that by remaining amenable, she caged herself and those she loved. Also, she destroyed the delicate tapestry of honesty, integrity, and trust.

Silence is not the answer

Before Emma met Haley, a woman who stirred her heart in a wonderful, strange way, Emma suffered. She put on a fake smile when at her work and with her fiance. No one ever challenged her to stand up for her desires the way Haley did. Prior to their meeting, Emma didn’t even realize she had been dormant. But, once that first spark flew, Emma couldn’t stay silent any longer.

She found someone worth fighting for. Living a life she no longer agreed with would no longer be an option. Ironically, amenability threatened the very thing she had protected all her life – love.

She could no longer stand back and accept things at face value.

Not until she spoke her mind, did she blossom and become a woman fully capable and deserving of love.

Just as Emma learned, avoiding conflict isn’t the answer. In fact, conflict has many benefits. Firstly, healthy conflict can lift us to new levels of thinking and interacting. Furthermore, it can excite a new way of viewing the world. More so, it can breed win-win solutions, stimulate creativity and new ways of thinking, and empower relationships.

6 Ways to Healthy Conflict

Look for the Benefits

By seeking benefits, you’ll gain benefits. Your brain will search and not stop until it finds them. As a matter of fact, if you enter an argument with a benefits-oriented attitude, you’ll create a winning environment where opinions can be shared without fear, judgment, or disrespect. This gives birth to healthy conflict.

View Conflict as a Golden Opportunity

Healthy conflict offers you an opportunity to spread your wings and clear new ground. If we always act and think within our comfort zones, we’ll always get the same results. By opening up our minds to new ideas, we promote healthy growth and empowerment. Significantly, learning how to solve problems puts you at a great advantage. By doing so, you develop critical interpersonal skills that help move relationships to higher levels.

Disarm Others

Take the personal out of the argument and you will raise the outcomes of conflict to a more satisfying level. Generally, most people enter arguments carrying a certain amount of armor to protect against the attack on their ideas and opinions. One simple way to disarm defenses is to avoid personal attacks. Don’t blame the person, instead, communicate how her action hurt you. Do this and the person feels less defensive and will remain open to hearing your points.

Determine the End Goal

What does the other person really want? You should ask yourself what you want too. Ultimately, stating up front what you want to accomplish will help both of you remain focused on that end goal.

Use Empathy

Take on the other person’s position by asking yourself: What could be the reason she is upset? By doing this, you can communicate that you truly understand the reason she is upset. When someone feels heard and understood, she’s more apt to remain open to sharing and listening – two important components to healthy conflict.

Ask More of Yourself

Ask yourself what you could do better in this situation. Addressing the conflict constructively encourages you both to shed new light on old issues that may be holding you back from progress. Furthermore, new ideas yield dynamic options that allow you to solve disputes and find solutions to what could have potentially blocked you from a resolution.

Over to you. What are your thoughts on conflict?