To solve problems requires a new outlook on them. What if you could change things for the better with just a simple tweak to your thought patterns?

The other day I let myself go into a self-deprecating mode where I questioned my path. The reason? Well, let me share what I posted to one of my Facebook groups to explain.

My Post

Torrent sites are the reason many writers can no longer make a living writing books and why many of us have to work 2-3 jobs to be able to afford the luxury of writing a book (researching, creating, writing, designing covers, and paying for editors). These terrible sites take away our sense of hope, accomplishment, and ability to put aside valuable time to produce a finished book. I used to have the time to write 2 books a year, but no longer.

Why? Because I need to work 2-3 jobs to put a roof over my head and pay my bills. The time I used to enjoy writing now has to be spent making money to make up for what these torrent sites take away. Yes, I believe they put a huge dent in the system. And, to take the time to request they be taken down would also eat away at writing time. Unquestionably, it’s unfortunate.

The Upset

Why am I so up in arms about this right at this moment? Because… I was just sent a link to a public Google drive folder that contains thousands upon thousands of books for anyone in the world to read. No money needed. Moreover, the author never gets compensated for all the sacrifice of their time, efforts, and energy to create these works. 

Basically, it’s a losing battle for writers.

I beg of anyone who downloads stolen books, please think about the consequences your actions are causing. Overall, you are not only making yourself a part of the potential destruction of artists’ work, but you are also likely downloading a nasty virus to go along with that stolen property.

Yeah. Phew. A little heat coming off that post, eh?

The Problem

The way I felt for most of the day following this rant was hopeless and devastated. Firstly, I woke with energy that day, and retired to my pillow drained. Secondly, I felt as if I had hit a brick wall. My dream to make a living as a novelist, writing stories about characters who pursue the meaning in life and search for that one true love of their life, seemed to crumble. 

That night, I didn’t sleep well. My imagination went into overdrive, and not in a productive way. Consequently, I began to visualize a future without writing books, researching new things, interacting with readers as a writer, and dissolving my website and social media accounts because of the entitled, greedy people who think it’s okay to steal from me and other artists.

A Monster Emerged

Wow, in the shadows of my bedroom, a monster had emerged! My ability to usually solve problems disappeared. 

Effectually, I lay against my pillow staring up at the shadows feeling very hollow and scared. My God, what would become of my life?

Yikes! What a spiral I’d caused myself to enter. And worse than that, that post caused quite the upheaval of negative emotion. I woke the next day with a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I not only self-destructed, but I also set a fire ablaze in others.

Not cool. Solve problems? Me? I seemed to be creating them! Yikes.

What’s Good About This Problem?

Afterward, my brain went into total overhaul mode. How could I make this better? In what ways could I stop the madness my emotions had caused?

I took the only action I could think of at that moment. I asked myself a very pointed question: What’s good about this problem?

Meanwhile, as my brain searched for an answer, I began to feel better because I was searching for something good. See, I could solve problems again! Yahoo!

• The community came together to support each other during a very uncomfortable moment. That’s a good thing.
• We addressed concerns in an open and honest forum. Honesty is always best.

The Greatness Emerged

Those are both good things. But, I think the greatest good that came from this post was grasping the understanding that there are many people out there who still respect and support the arts. They crave a good book, and they fully appreciate the writer’s journey in creating that for her.

I saw this in many of the responses, and I have to say, knowing that there are good people out there who want to support and nurture artists makes me even more determined to keep that faith they put into us alive.

Regardless, the ones stealing, well, they’re going to steal anyway. I don’t want them in my circle. Certainly, I wont allow them to rob me of my creative energy. Most importantly, never will they take away from me the very things that causes my heart to race and my mind to expand. No, they’ll never have that power. They don’t deserve that power.

A Good Look

Hence, the good thing about this problem is that there are still many people out there willing to be honest and supportive. I am going to choose to focus on them when I’m writing a new book and have faith that my efforts will mean something to someone somewhere down the road.

I do not want to become my own worst enemy. And, I won’t fear the actions of others. Furthermore, no way will I succumb to putting out my light because someone thinks it’s not worth shining. The good thing about someone else’s problem is that it’s someone else’s problem. It’s not mine unless I make it mine.

Claim the Win

I want to be the kind of person who can solve problems and lives with a faith that I am doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. I can’t imagine a life where I’m not creating a story. If I let stealers take that away from me, who comes out ahead? Certainly not me. And, that’s just not going to happen. As long as I have a breath and a pulse, I am going to pour my heart into a life where I come out ahead. I would never let someone I care about ever consider coming in behind, so why would I ever allow that to happen to me?

Finally, my fellow writers and supportive readers, I hope the very same is true for you. Do work you love and that matters. And never allow anyone to steal your light from this world.

Every day we encounter life lessons. They come to us in many forms, and when we pay attention to them, they can help us grow.

I love country music, and there’s one song in particular that I love to listen to because it causes me to reflect. It’s Brad Paisley’s song Letter to Me. If you’re not familiar with it, it’s about a man who thinks about his life and what he would’ve wanted to say to his younger self at the age of 17.

I think the reason why this song resonates with me and why I think it’s such a compelling idea to be able to have a talk with our younger selves is because as we go through life, we obviously learn many lessons along the way. As teens, we all likely felt pressured and cornered into our lives as if there was no way out of the circumstances, ever. Things always seemed so permanent back then.

I can’t help but wonder how much easier teenage life would’ve been had I known some of the things I do today.

So this got me thinking about some of the most important life lessons I’ve learned along the way.

Life Lessons Learned

Confidence Comes from Within.

Confidence blooms from inside. It has nothing to do with your appearance. I remember when I turned thirty-five years old. I began to concern myself about the wrinkles that started lining the skin around the outside of my eyes and the gray hair that began poking through at more extreme levels than before. I cringe when I think about how obsessed I was with my outward appearance back then. It seems so frivolous now. I get upset with myself for wasting time on worrying over something that happens to every single person on the planet.

Now that I’m over a decade older than that version of myself, I’ve come to learn that appearance has nothing at all to do with confidence. I’m not sure when I learned this exactly. I believe it was a slow lesson, simmering in the background of my daily life, waiting on me to recognize that confidence stems from the inside than the outside.

Confidence is a state of mind. It’s preparing yourself for success. It’s putting your passion into something you love. It’s showing compassion for others. It’s about so much more than lip-gloss, highlights or expensive clothes. I would tell my younger self to spend less time on perfecting her makeup and hair and more time on building the skills that will bring her closer to her passions.

Never Force.

No matter how much you try to force something, if it’s not meant to be, it’s never going to be. This is especially important when it comes to getting people to like us. As a teen, we want everyone to like us. Our world revolves around the opinion of others. Even as an adult, if someone doesn’t like me, I tend to obsess about why this is. I start to go all the interactions and dissect them until they’re totally gutted and unrecognizable.

I don’t think I’m alone in this. I think most of us fixate on the issue, thinking that we can change their opinions. The truth is, some people are going to like us, and some never will. We may never understand why. I would tell my younger self to be the best person she can be, apologize if she’s wrong, set things right when she can. If that’s not enough, turn her focus to those with whom she does connect. Nurture the positive.

Be Really Great at Two Things.

I’d tell my younger self to hone in on something she’s good at, and then add a secondary element. For instance, as a teen I loved cutting hair. I used to have a booming clientele, and that was well before I knew what I was doing! I lived across the street from my high school, and after school, I had a line of kids in my living room waiting to get their haircut. That’s how I put gas in my car and paid for my insurance. I spent all my time on this activity, because I intended to go to hairdressing school and make my living cutting hair. Honestly, I even let my studies slide because I wasn’t even focused on college. I just needed to pass.

So, you see, the problem with focusing on just one skill set is that you put everything into one basket. Years later, when I became asthmatic and had skin allergies on my hands, I realized that my hair career would likely have to be cut short. At that moment, I really wished I’d focused on my other love too, which was writing. I was twenty-two when I realized I needed new skills and a better education.

So, I took one of my passions, hairdressing, and coupled it with a different passion, writing, and started my professional writing career.

I believe everyone should shine in more areas than one, and I say this because we never know what life is going to toss in our way. If we only ever focus in on one area, and that area for some reason disappears one day, we’re left empty. I’d tell my younger self that it’s better to spread the wealth so to speak, and try to connect her passions and skills into a package deal for the future.

Make Yourself a Priority.

Another life lesson I would make sure I told my young self about is to take care of herself first so she can take care of others. Many might think, wow, take care of yourself first. That’s selfish, no?

It’s not selfish. It’s called being prepared.

As a teen, my friends always came first before exercise. Are you kidding me? Go for a run over hanging with my bestie after school? There was no choice. My friends always came first. The last thing on my mind was my health. My health was fine. To a kid, we take our health for granted. Good habits form early on. I had terrible habits as a teen. I ate way too much sugar, got lazy with exercise, and drank lots of soda. If I did that as an adult, I’d be in serious trouble! Health is my number one priority. Some people might think it’s terrible to place it above family and friends on the priority list. I counter that argument with this: If I’m not healthy, I can’t take care of my family and friends the way they deserve.

By proactively taking care of myself through good nutrition, adequate exercise, and relaxing meditation, I am putting myself in a great position to be alert, happy and balanced for my family and friends. So to my younger self I’d say to start the good habit early to ensure I’m around for those I love in the future.

Realize that Everything is Temporary.

I learned this lesson the hard way with my dog, Sunshine. I had taken him for granted in many ways, putting off walks so I could work, getting aggravated when he wanted to sit down on his walks and take in the breeze because I wanted to get home and bang out a project. It’s those little moments, those precious moments, where the magic of life resides. When those opportunities are gone, they’re gone forever. I no longer have the opportunity to sit on the top of a grassy hill and watch the grass sway with my Sunshine. I regret that I didn’t sit on that hill with him every chance I had. Don’t get me wrong, he had a wonderful life. I just wish I had taken more time to enjoy the breezes with him a bit more than I did.

With my dog, Bumblebee, I take those moments and cherish them. They will always be in my heart long after she joins her brother at the Rainbow Bridge. So, I guess I would remind my younger self to stop wishing her time away or wasting it worrying about silly things. Instead, she should soak up all those beautiful moments while she has the chance. I would end that talk on, ‘When you finally understand the temporary nature of life, you’ll never wish it away again.’

Here’s the thing: life is full of lessons. If we take the time to let them sink in, really sink in, I believe life will become that much more meaningful and enriching.

I learn lot of life lessons through my characters. They teach me things about life, love, and balance. For instance, when writing Beneath Everything, Sarah taught me how to stop rushing through life and how to discover my purpose.

I learn a lot through them. And, I also learn a lot through trial and error and experiencing challenges. For instance, this past winter was chocked full of life lessons for me. Let me explain… 

I love when my parents visit. When they visited this past winter, I realized that I needed to learn a few practical things. I’m not talking about complex skills that I dream of learning someday. No, I’m talking about basic things that aren’t necessarily intuitive to the average person, but easy enough to learn if you take the time to learn them.

During my parent’s visit, I came across an important skill I needed, and after taking a few minutes to learn it (that’s really all it took), I will never have to worry about having trouble with it again.

Practical Things

How to Avoid Frozen Pipes. 

Here’s what happened. The timing of their visit couldn’t have been better. Two days before they arrived, I took my dog, Bumblebee, outside to the backyard so she could do her thing, you know, chase a few squirrels, bark at the trees, and of course, relieve herself. I was standing there admiring the mild winter day when I heard a dripping noise.

I looked behind me and noticed water dripping from the deck above. This was strange because three months earlier I had shut off the outside water. So, I’m standing there with my hands on my hips trying to figure out why this water was dripping from the copper piping of the water spigot on my upper deck. I mean the water’s been shut off for three months. I checked inside to make sure I did in fact shut off the water supply to the outside, and I did.

Fast forward two days and my parents arrive. My dad’s a master plumber, so he took a look right away.

Turned out I did in fact shut off the water to the outside, just not correctly. There’s a system to shutting off your outside water for the winter months. I did not know this. I thought, all I had to do was turn the knob and all would be fine.

Yeah. Well, there’s more to it than that.

Turned out I was supposed to disconnect my hoses, open up the spigots, and bleed the water from the pipes because apparently there’s a ton of water still left in them if you don’t do this critical step. Who knew? I don’t believe this is common knowledge. I’ve owned this home for over ten years and never knew this. I’ve been very lucky. Turned out my pipe did burst and we had to replace it. Thankfully, my dad’s a plumber and can do that blindfolded if he really wanted to. Anyone else would’ve had to pay a plumber a lot of money to fix the problem.

This is a skill every homeowner should have. Yet, I don’t think that knowledge is passed down to people when they are handed the keys to their new homes. I certainly didn’t get the notice!

I had no clue how to winterize my water spigots. I honestly never asked my father because I assumed all I had to do was turn off the water source.

So, this little lesson I had learned got me thinking. What other practical skills should a person consider learning?

More Practical Things

How to Change a Tire

If you aren’t in a position to call for roadside assistance, you’re going to need to know how to take that bad tire off and put a new one on. For me to go through the steps on this podcast might put you to sleep. So, what I would recommend is to go on Youtube and search for how to change a flat tire. And if you prefer step by step writing instructions to keep in your car, then bridgestone.com has a wonderful guide.  Print it and keep it handy in the event you’re stuck.

Another great resource that is chocked full of detailed instruction on how to change a flat tire can be found on this helpful website that’s all about the road and the vehicles we use to travel them. There’s also a helpful video to walk you through the steps.

How to Remember a Name

Another practical thing that many don’t think about learning is how to remember names. One of the simplest ways to make someone feel valued is by remembering her name. I think a lot of us take it for granted that we’ll remember when we need to. It’s not a thing most worry about. They hear a name, shake hands, walk away and don’t give the person’s name a second thought until they meet up again. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been in that situation more times than I care to admit. It’s embarrassing and easy to fix.

When you meet someone, repeat their name a few times during your initial conversation. Put their name to your muscle memory. Then, there’s always the verbal game or image you conjure up when you first meet someone. I love this and do it all the time now. For example, I have a neighbor with a pug named Max. Her name is Cindy. How I remember her name is by thinking it’s a sin to max out my credit card. Every time I see them, I think of a credit card maxed out and what a sin it is. Cindy and Max.

How to Apologize

I have another good practical skill that can be a life-changer. You should know how to say “I’m sorry” and “I was wrong.” Many of us get this wrong. I’ll firmly admit that I’m stubborn and have too much pride at times to be able to apologize. It’s taken me a long time to learn this valuable skill, thanks to the help of my spouse. Turns out the faster I apologize, the better I feel. Who knew?

It’s not comfortable for any of us to admit an error, or to acknowledge that something we’ve done has caused others harm or inconvenience. But when we do, we’re putting honesty above comfort, and that’s a brave thing to do.

So, how do you go from total stubbornness and even shame to hey, I’m really sorry?

You’ve to state the obvious. You must lead off with I’m sorry. Also stay in the first person. Never use the second person (the you did this or you didn’t do that language). All you’ll do by accusing the other person of being a part of the problem is set off defenses. Nothing gets solved in the environment of defenses. If you’re at fault. Own up to it. Period. You also have to say what it is you regret and leave it at that. Don’t end the sentence with an excuse. Be sure to offer a solution on how you can fix things. Then follow up and actually do it. Simple as that. Next thing you know, your shoulders will relax and you’ll be able to breathe lighter.

How to Show Gratitude

Showing gratitude seems like a fairly intuitive skill, but so many people fail to act on it.

I interview many people in my position at the university, and the best candidates are those who follow up with a handwritten thank you note. Yes, email is good, but handwritten is better. Let’s face it, it makes you feel special and appreciated when you receive that kind of attention.

When I get a handwritten note, a smile takes over my entire face and my finger can’t open that envelope fast enough. It reminds me of being a child and receiving letters from my aunt or from my pen pal in Denver. A handwritten note is a treasure. My sister is great at making sure her two sons understand the importance and significance of a handwritten note. I always send them birthday cards with a token gift, and a few weeks later, I open my mailbox to the delight of their handwritten thank you notes. I save them all. They are very special to me. There is a warmth to handwritten notes that goes a long way and can bring a person to a state of absolute joy.

How to Clean a Coffee Maker 

Lastly and probably most importantly, is how to clean a coffee maker effectively. Just recently, I went on a mad cleaning frenzy in my kitchen. I’d been sick with flu-like symptoms for four months and was tired of it. Well, when I took apart my coffee maker, I discovered something horrendous. I flashed a light into the water receptacle and discovered black mold. Yup. I’d been drinking black mold for who knows how long. I tossed the coffee maker out and bought a new one. Did you know that you are supposed to sanitize your coffee maker monthly? I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t. Apparently, this is a major health issue for many. Doctors are treating patients who suffer from chronic respiratory issues with antibiotics, nasal sprays, inhalers, you name it, and failing to realize the simple cause is a buildup of black mold in the coffee maker. Vinegar is all one needs to keep their appliance brewing clean coffee.

It’s recommended to clean with vinegar once a month, but the obsessive person in me is planning to do it once a week. Simply pour 4 cups of distilled white vinegar in the coffee maker water receptacle and brew it. Then, run clear water through the brew cycle twice afterwards. Voila. Clean, mold-free coffee! I’ve been able to toss out my inhalers and nasal sprays. I feel like a million bucks now!

So there you have it. Six practical things that are pretty intuitive and simple to put into practice. The effort to grasp them is minimal compared to the results of learning them and applying them. Just think, by learning them you could save yourself from a busted water pipe. You could gain a great opportunity to make someone feel valued by remembering her name. You can enjoy the stress-free feeling of admitting your faults. And let’s not forget the great feeling you’ll capture by going above and beyond to make someone feel super special just by taking that extra few minutes to let them know you care enough to put pen to paper when it would be much easier, but far less memorable, to send a text message.

Here’s to living in a constant state of improving through learning. Cheers!

Complaining feels therapeutic. It even creates a sense of intimacy with friends. Let’s face it, sometimes a woman just wants to complain, right? It feels good to get things off the chest. We bond with friends and lovers over these venting sessions. We empty our souls of the injustices, rudeness, and nerves of those people who think they can push our buttons. Sometimes we even continue the vent in our minds, kicking around those bad feelings and hoping maybe they’ll make more sense once we’ve mulled over them long enough.

The truth is I rarely feel good after complaining. I usually feel worse. The emotions heighten to dangerous levels, the kind that threaten all sense of reason. I never get the kind of feedback from the person taking on my vents. They never say exactly what I want them to say. How could they when I’ve set the expectation to absolute agreement?

To Complain or Not

I used to think venting was a good thing. I thought it best to get everything out in the open, so it had space to dissipate. Well, if that’s how it actually happened, I suppose it would be a good thing. But venting doesn’t usually erase the feelings.

For me, it just increased the stress load. I wanted to know why. Why doesn’t unloading all of those ill feelings towards someone or something help? Why did it make me feel worse?

I know why. I always have.

Deep down I understand that no one, including myself, wants to listen to someone complain. I don’t like it when people complain. It’s negative and unproductive. 

Something I learned over time is that complaining can affect my health. I used to be the kind of person who would take a bad thing and allow it to boil in my mind. Well, as a writer, I’ve quite the vivid imagination. When I let that stress run wild, yikes, watch out. I can’t believe the kinds of things my mind can do with stress!

I used to obsess about being wronged, be it by a friend, family member, or even a total stranger servicing me at the grocery store. I could take a hurtful statement and blow it up in my mind so big that by the time a day or two had passed, I’d created this entire fictional motion picture in my mind’s eye. I’d become the victim to not only the hurtful statement that I kept reciting in my mind, but then other things my imagination drew from it as well.

That kind of thinking is dangerous.

If you keep reflecting or talking to someone about your woes, be it a hurtful statement or poor service, you will keep reliving it. When you do this, your body goes into stress mode. Your blood pressure rises, heart pounds, breathing shallows, and head starts to ache. This kind of action floods the bloodstream with the stress hormone cortisol. 

Why We Complain

When I fall into complaining mode I do so because, in that moment, I feel powerless to get the results I want. One of my pet peeves is being treated poorly by a service rep. It digs deep and makes me want to scream. I become extremely anxious when I get bad service. I want to complain. I want to tell the rep she’s wrong. I want to tell her manager. I want to tell everyone in the store. I know deep down that is not going to solve anything. I’m agitated and too emotional to have a productive dialogue. Besides, I hate conflict.

I used to avoid conflict, especially when it came to someone I love, because I hate to argue. I like keeping things smooth. But, that isn’t healthy, either. Conflict is part of life, and I needed to learn how to deal with it effectively. 

So I educated myself.

I went through a period of time when I soaked up all the self-help advice from gurus I could find. I knew I needed work. I needed to shape my mind and my heart in a way that would benefit me and those in my life. Tony Robbins proved to be instrumental in my development. One of the biggest lessons I got from him was to look at something troubling and ask, what’s good about this problem?

Right there, that was my answer to dealing with conflict effectively. Stop complaining and turn to problem solving instead.

When you complain, you just rant. But, if you change your perspective to be in the position of problem solving, you go into conflict situations with an end goal in mind.

When I learned this, my life and relationships changed. I stopped venting and went into problem solving mode. I began to look at situations differently. I stopped complaining and took positive action to complain effectively to get win-win results. I learned that there is a method to complaining that can yield great results.

Have a goal.

Know what you want before you open your mouth. This sets you up to focus on the end result and also helps set the complaint up to have a resolution. People want to help each other. It’s innate in us. So, by knowing the end goal is likely to result in a win-win for both parties, you’re helping to set the person on the other end up to be in a position to help you instead of want to get away from you.

Begin on a positive note.

Just like when you deliver critique, the sandwich approach helps to keep the lines of communication flowing. Start positive, deliver the critique, and end with another positive.

Begin with a positive statement that supports your end goal. This will place the person in a position of openness instead of defensiveness. Usually, stating a common goal helps. If it’s a loved one, something as simple as “I love you, and I want us both to be happy,” can start the conversation off on the right tone.  

Keep the complaint tidy.

Don’t go into grueling detail. Stick to the point. Keep it simple to avoid talking at someone. You want to stay engaged in a productive dialogue.

End with a positive statement.

If it’s solved, great. Voice your appreciation. If it’s not resolved, end with something along the lines of “I really want to work together on solving this.” Or , if complaining to a service rep about a product. Acknowledge your frustration as a feeling and not an attack. If you’re feeling frustrated, soften it with, “I’m sorry I sound upset. It’s not you. It’s the situation, product, rule, etc.”

If you set it up as a win-win and a team effort to find solutions that work for both of you, people will be more likely to stay open and participate.

Don’t relive the frustration.

Voice your complaint, then let it go. Rehashing the same argument over in your head will stir up emotions and cause you to feel like a victim. Empower yourself. Don’t run from conflict. Instead, face the conflict in a healthy manner, one that sets you both up to win.

Still frustrated?

Continue to ask yourself, “What’s good about this problem?” Your brain is going to find a great answer for you. It won’t stop until it does. It’s better to keep your brain busy on answering a productive question than allowing it to wander aimlessly through imagined scenarios with you as a victim.

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Happiness is one of those things we all strive to achieve. After all, no one sets out to be unhappy. Though, I’ll admit, sometimes a woman needs a moment to allow emotions to sink in before she’s ready to move on and put the past in the past or the future out in front where it will always be.

I tend to be an overly sensitive, analytical person who struggles with obsessive thoughts on how I could’ve or can make things work better. I grab onto that invisible rope of control and pull on it, intent on setting things into a place that is comfortable and beneficial.

At first glance, this seems like a good thing. I want good things to come. I want a win-win. I want to ensure that the steps I took yesterday or take today are working in a strong favor. How can this be a bad thing?

Well, it can turn bad quickly because I have no control over half of the outcomes. I can’t control the actions of others or the feelings of others. 

The Truth about Happiness

Firstly, I can’t control what’s already happened, and I certainly can’t make the future do what I want. It’s going to take me on a ride, and it’s up to me to either enjoy it and soak up all the lessons or frantically pull on those reins and lose focus through the frustrated tears or, even worse, egocentric lens.

With all that in mind, how can we stop obsessing about all those things of which we have no control so we can be happy with this moment at hand? Perhaps it’s advantageous to take a look at factors capable of holding us back from our deserved happiness, then working out a way to reengage.

Happiness Zappers

Ignoring Your Creative Side 

I love to oil paint. I haven’t picked up a paintbrush in over three years, however. It takes a lot to get set up. I have to take the easel out of hiding. Place the canvas on it. Prep my palette with wax paper. Put on my gloves and apron. There’s so much to do. So much prep work. So much organizing before I can splatter paint on my palette, blend colors with my knife, and decide what colors I will use to shadow and highlight.

What you just heard there was an excuse. A silly excuse. Silly because once I actually do plop paint on my brush and sweep it over my canvas, I am taken away to a place that opens my soul and tickles my creative brain. New synapses form. Feel good chemicals flow into my mental receptors. The past and future fade and I sink right into the blissful moment at hand. Before I know it, hours have disappeared along with my anxieties and obsessions over anything not paint, brush, and art. Aside from when I’m writing, when I am oil painting, I am in my heaven. I am sitting in the sweet pocket of happiness.

Take time to be creative.

Holding Onto Anger

I’ve had a few experiences in life that if I allowed them to, they’d rob me and leave me naked. One that comes to mind is when I lost a friendship over irreconcilable differences. We both had our needs and demands, and we both thought of ourselves as the right one.

This stubbornness and anger towards each other’s positions cost us. Our friendship no longer sailed the calm waters of happiness, but instead took a steep head into a direction neither one of us wanted to go. I was left with a bitter taste I couldn’t wash away, and held onto that for so long that I missed taking the next step forward into life. 

I ultimately had to let go of the anger to move on and embrace the life right in front of me. It’s good to analyze and learn from life’s lessons. If you can set things right, set it right. If you can’t, you must let go to move forward. 

Waiting for The Perfect Moment

There is no perfect moment to make a move. We just have to trust that we’ve planned and prepped to the best of our ability. But there comes a time when you just have to let go of fear and anxiety and go for it. Take the leap. Jump in.

If we never plunge into our desires, we’ll never experience them. I would never advise to jump into something blindly. Take some time to plan your move, but don’t take too much time. A lot of us get stuck in waiting on that moment when everything is perfectly aligned. There is no perfect moment.

“The time is never going to be perfect,” Jolene said. “If you wait for that, the moment’s gone and all you’ve gained is regret. You know how to handle regret, and quite well, so go handle it,” she whispered to Sarah who dangled from the boat’s ladder. – Beneath Everything

Seeking Approval

As a writer, I’ve grown into the type of person who relies heavily on the feedback of readers to gauge my success or failure. That is so dangerous. I’m acutely aware that placing someone else’s opinion on such a tall pedestal is only setting me up for extreme disappointment.

Early on in my writing career, I used to allow negative reviews to steal my happiness. Then, one day, after completing the final round of edits on my novel, The Dance, I decided I really loved the story and put everything I had into it. I worked my ass off on it, and even if no one liked it, I loved it. I tucked lots of love in between every single word I wrote of it.

I finally concluded that as long as I put my best into something, it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thought. I was happy. I loved that story. That moment marked a major shift in the way I view feedback. Sure, I still try to learn from negative reviews, but I don’t let them steal my happiness. I look at them as learning opportunities, and that has made all the difference.

Comparing Yourself

I remember back to before I bought my home. I was renting a drafty apartment and wanted so badly to have the resources to purchase a home. Meanwhile my siblings and friends were all prancing around with giant smiles on their faces revealing their pride of ownership over their beautiful homes.

They’d talk about their décor, their yards, their plans for expansions, and my heart would shrivel in the company of their happiness. I was jealous, envious, and viewing my lack as a total failure.

I compared myself to everyone around me, and the result was nothing joyful. In the comparisons of their newly built decks and planting of trees, I stared at my current circumstance with unease. I failed to see the blessings of my situation.

I was free. I was not strapped by a huge mortgage. I could pack up and move at a moment’s notice. I had choices. I had no pressure. And, I also had a future where someday I would own something too. I was so caught up in what I lacked that I failed to see what I actually had, which was a wonderful life filled with choices and freedom.

When you compare yourself to others, you’re not being fair to yourself. You’re assuming that what others find happiness in you will too. It’s a matter of focusing on the gifts in your life and being grateful for them. Find that shining light in each situation, and there you’ll discover happiness.

What is holding you back from true happiness? Tell us below.