Being Authentic

I did it. I took an important authentic step forward. I looked that irrational fear in the eye and told it to go away, for good. It was no longer welcomed in my life.

My Authentic Step

On Wednesday, January 13, 2016, I had the extreme pleasure of ‘coming out’ as my true self on air to an international audience. The lovely and talented Blog Talk Radio host, Alex Okoroji, paved the way toward an honest conversation about life, fears, and grabbing hold of my authentic self once and for all.

Overcoming Negative Curves With Prolific American Novelist – Suzie Carr

With the gentle guidance of Alex, I felt comfortable to talk about a deeply personal part of my life. After spending the past four years hiding my true self from my readers out of a fear born from an unfortunate moment in time, I finally freed myself. You see four years ago, I wrote a blog post in the spirit of authenticity that backfired on me. I wrote what I am going to say here: I am a bisexual author who writes best-selling lesbian fiction novels and have been happily married to my soulmate, a man, for 21 years. Four years ago, I got bullied with hate mails from some of my lesbian fans in the LGBT community for being honest about my sexual orientation. I was crushed to say the least.

Thanks to Alex, and the powers at be in the universe, I decided it was finally time to find the courage to come out after years of holding back, by openly addressing my FEARS on the show.

The result a whole day later – I feel FREE! I’ve received an incredible amount of positive feedback from so many. Their responses are what I hoped they’d be – they are grateful for my keeping it real.

The lesson: Fears will hold you back if you allow them to grow. Don’t feed your fear. Feed your truth.


Feed Your Truth

“See here’s the thing about fear. The more I allow it in, the stronger it becomes. It takes on its own power and becomes my leader. I’m not okay with following that. I’m not okay with bowing my head to it in reverence, as if it were a mightier force than me and had any rights to my freedom.” – Becca from The Journey Somewhere

For life to fully bloom, it needs love, light, and freedom. A life lived under the veil of fear is one that lacks the nurturing qualities of truth, for fear is irrational. Born from the roots of pain and suffering, fear is a by-product of the imagination. You see, anything that has not happened yet is imagined.

Fear is nothing more than our preconceived notion of how the future will play out in a given scenario. Sensing danger and taking action on that sense is what saves us from precarious situations, not the fear itself. The fear only serves to debilitate, not prepare us.


Fear needs fuel to create dramatic tension.

Why not turn the tables on fear? Don’t entertain it. Let it entertain you. Laugh at its entitlement as it attempts to wrap itself around you like a gluttonous vine. Your laughter will choke fear’s power.

Fill up on the laughter. Get drunk on its echo. Further diffuse the insatiable hunger of fear by increasing the strength of your joy. Run with arms out-stretched through a field of wildflowers, inhale the freshness of the forest, observe the beauty of a sunset. Do something that sets your heart ablaze with happiness.

Joy and fear cannot coexist. It’s impossible.

Acknowledge fear. Observe fear. Then, side-step it and move beyond it. Focus on feeding your current reality with a good dose of nutritiously delicious truth about what’s really blooming. Life feels so much sweeter once you do!

Wishing you the very best,

Suzie Carr, novelist

13 replies
  1. M. E. Tudor
    M. E. Tudor says:

    I’m so sorry you experienced negative remarks from you lesbian fans. Sadly there is a lot prejudice within our own community, which is just sad. Keep living your truth and don’t worry about everyone else.

  2. Robin
    Robin says:

    It is a shame that the same people who are part of a community that is frequently forced to hide their true identities would fail to see the hypocrisy in trying to force someone else to do the same. Their reaction was probably out of some kind of false belief that they had been “fooled” by the author. Mislead somehow. It was also probably out of embarrassment, because they couldn’t “tell” that the author was not a lesbian. How dare a non-lesbian write lesbians so well?! Pfft. Well, (sorry ladies) you don’t have the corner market on women’s love.

    I, for one, appreciate the author for building her career around lesbian fiction. Ms. Carr is certainly a talented enough writer that she could have chosen to write something else. She has brought joy to many women readers. How can that be condemned?

    • Amy Berger
      Amy Berger says:

      Tip of the hat, Robin. What you said !

      The psychological ramifications of such behavior are not only good material when the light is shown upon it, but they could be extremely educational.

  3. Lavit Patricia
    Lavit Patricia says:

    You’re right, Suzie, do not live in fear, one must be oneself, be authentic and be free! we can not appeal to everyone, what is important is to love and be loved by people who appreciate you as you are! you are now liberated and you stay the beautiful, talented Suzie Carr and my sweet and wonderful friend! 😉

  4. Joanna
    Joanna says:

    I listened to this blog and found it more than an uplifting “coming out story”, its about facing your fears and making the most of the moment. Really, really powerful message and advert for taking charge of your life. I wish you all the best and every continued happiness, nit forgetting the success you deserve !

  5. Sondra Fink
    Sondra Fink says:

    I really take heart from this post! I am also a bisexual person, and in a 20-year marriage to a man that I love. I’m a writer too! Sometimes I feel like the only person at the freak show, and suspected of underhanded motives on all sides. So it’s incredibly reassuring whenever I run across other people like me – like someone just let more oxygen into the room. Thank you! It’s wonderful to feel that that there is nothing hurtful or deceitful about just being who you actually are.

  6. Lynne Carlson
    Lynne Carlson says:

    I apologize for those narrow-minded lesbians who berated you with hate mail. We are who we are. The fact you found you soulmate and have been happy for the past 21 years is a testament that these things are possible. I think that is something that should be applauded. Congratulations to you and your spouse. He is a lucky man. Kudos to you for your honesty. If we were all as courageous, the world would be a better place. I love your writing.

  7. Angela
    Angela says:

    Inspirational as always. I admire you so much and I love your books. Disappointed at the reaction you got first time round which caused you to clam up big time. I hope for your courage some time, I know it’s not good not to be out but the time WILL come. Love and best wishes xxx

  8. Michele
    Michele says:

    Suzie, it is heartbreaking to know that the same community( LGBT) that every day is subjected to bullying and hate crimes would dare to turn on another. Everyone needs to treat each other with the same respect they demand.
    I’m so sorry for the hurt and disrespect you were shown that then created a fear in you. That should never have happened. I’m so happy u have released your fear.
    You are an amazing author and love your books. I look forward to each new lesfic book you write.

  9. Suzie Carr
    Suzie Carr says:

    You are all so sweet and kind. My heart is soaring right now, free from the fear and light from the lift of all your support. I am truly grateful for your kindness and for caring s you do. Hugs to you all!

  10. Jo Furderer
    Jo Furderer says:

    I am so sorry our community sent you hate. I am very surprised. You are a fighter and i am so glad you wrote this about your fears. We all have to face them. You are and inspiration to me.

  11. Elaine
    Elaine says:

    So pleased for you. If you have found your soulmate in this life then that is to be celebrated no matter who or what. Your books inspire because they come from your heart; don’t allow fear to hide your heart. How you choose to represent that heart in your books is your gift to give. Respect.


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